[NEohioPAL]A Mike and Ike Satirical Review of Carnation City Players "Ordinary People"

[Jeff Holland]

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WARNING:  The following review has been banned somewhere by somebody for some reason.

Ike:  Do you know how badly I wanna deep fry parts of you right now?

Mike:  Do you have to keep saying that?

I:  When I walk out of a the-ater I wanna feel good; I wanna feel happy.  I do not wanna walk out feelin' like I wanna stick my face in a fan.

M:  It has a happy ending,  sort of.

I:  I'm sorry.  I didn't notice it.  By that point, I was too busy evaluatin' my own psychological damage.

M:(Quietly) About time.

I:  I think the only character in this show that isn't completely screwed up is the Dad.

M:  What about the gym teacher?

I:  He was too grumpy and he dresses funny.

M:  What about Lazenby, Conrad's friend?

I:  He had a breakdown during the show.  That counts him among the damaged.

M:  Well, what about . . . 

(Long pause)

I:  There ain't that many characters, limey.

M:  I think that's the point.  Everyone is screwed up in one form or another.

I:  I know that!  I don't wanna pay 8 bucks to see it!  

M:  I told you going for the student discount wouldn't work.

I:  I know this is really Conrad's story, but I feel sorry for the dad!  He's got a hell-beast for a wife that refuses to admit she needs serious help and an already messed up son that the hell-beast is destroying--because that's what hell-beasts do--and there's not a damn thing that he can do to help.  Isolation,  resentment, hopelessness, and depression:  what a beautiful day it is!

M:  It has a happy ending, sort of.

I:  They'll survive.  Yay.  Break out the bubbley and sing a show tune!

M:  All right,  forget about the play itself for a moment.  What did you think of the production?

I:  Oh, it was fine.  Great stage, nicely used.  Couple of light cue problems, nothing too major.  Could use a little more music.  Loved the outside area they created for the front door, HATED the disco lights!

M:  They weren't disco lights.

I:  I heard you humming "Stayin' Alive."  Why, why, oh why in the name of Des Mcanuff would you use freaky lighting for an emotional monologue?

M:  Mood enhancement.

I:  Distraction.  For me,  it took away from the power of the acting.

M:  So you liked Vincent.

I:  As far as I'm concerned, Vinnie Stillitano gave one of the best performances I've seen on stage this year period.

M:(Pause) Are you all right?

I:  Conrad Jarrett is a tough role for anybody.  In lesser hands, this coulda been worse than Dwight Frye in "Dracula," all bulging eyes and chewing, swallowing, and regurgitating scenery.  Vince takes this complex part (Really the glue that holds the whole show together) and creates a believable, likeable, fascinating, completely (BEEP)ed up kid.

M:  You're not Ike.

I:  He seemed a little unsure of himself at first but half an hour in that was gone.  And this was just opening night.  If I had the opportunity, the money, and a valid driver's license I'd go back closing night just to see how the character's grown over the run.  I think the way they do the curtain call is quite fittin.'  Vincenzio deserves it.  He needs to stop hanging around that comedy group and start doing legitimate the-ater.

M:  You're Pod Ike!

I:  What the hell are you babbling about?

M:  I've never heard you say so many truly positive things in one conversation before.

I:  Gotta do somethin' to get happy.  DAMN, that show was depressin.'

M:  Don't worry.  Tomorrow night's show will put you in a much better mood.

I:  Cool.  What're we seein'?

M:  Night, Mother.

 

NOTE:  All attempts at humor aside, it's a bit of a road trip but go see this show.  Carnation City Players has a great space and it's worth the drive and gas money and 8 bucks just for Vince's performance.  And I'm not saying that just because he's my friend.  He's that good--Jeff Holland

 

 

 

 



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<P>WARNING:  The following review has been banned somewhere by somebody for some reason.</P>
<P>Ike:  Do you know how badly I wanna deep fry parts of you right now?</P>
<P>Mike:  Do you have to keep saying that?</P>
<P>I:  When I walk out of a the-ater I wanna feel good; I wanna feel happy.  I <EM>do not </EM>wanna walk out feelin' like I wanna stick my face in a fan.</P>
<P>M:  It has a happy ending,  sort of.</P>
<P>I:  I'm sorry.  I didn't notice it.  By that point, I was too busy evaluatin' my own psychological damage.</P>
<P>M:(Quietly) About time.</P>
<P>I:  I think the only character in this show that isn't completely screwed up is the Dad.</P>
<P>M:  What about the gym teacher?</P>
<P>I:  He was too grumpy and he dresses funny.</P>
<P>M:  What about Lazenby, Conrad's friend?</P>
<P>I:  He had a breakdown during the show.  That counts him among the damaged.</P>
<P>M:  Well, what about . . . </P>
<P>(Long pause)</P>
<P>I:  There ain't that many characters, limey.</P>
<P>M:  I think that's the point.  Everyone is screwed up in one form or another.</P>
<P>I:  I know that!  I don't wanna pay 8 bucks to see it!  </P>
<P>M:  I told you going for the student discount wouldn't work.</P>
<P>I:  I know this is really Conrad's story, but I feel sorry for the dad!  He's got a hell-beast for a wife that refuses to admit she needs serious help and an already messed up son that the hell-beast is destroying--because that's what hell-beasts do--and there's not a damn thing that he can do to help.  Isolation,  resentment, hopelessness, and depression:  what a beautiful day it is!</P>
<P>M:  It has a happy ending, sort of.</P>
<P>I:  They'll survive.  Yay.  Break out the bubbley and sing a show tune!</P>
<P>M:  All right,  forget about the play itself for a moment.  What did you think of the production?</P>
<P>I:  Oh, it was fine.  Great stage, nicely used.  Couple of light cue problems, nothing too major.  Could use a little more music.  Loved the outside area they created for the front door, HATED the disco lights!</P>
<P>M:  They weren't disco lights.</P>
<P>I:  I heard you humming "Stayin' Alive."  Why, why, oh why in the name of Des Mcanuff would you use freaky lighting for an emotional monologue?</P>
<P>M:  Mood enhancement.</P>
<P>I:  Distraction.  For me,  it took away from the power of the acting.</P>
<P>M:  So you liked Vincent.</P>
<P>I:  As far as I'm concerned, Vinnie Stillitano gave one of the best performances I've seen on stage this year period.</P>
<P>M:(Pause) Are you all right?</P>
<P>I:  Conrad Jarrett is a tough role for anybody.  In lesser hands, this coulda been worse than Dwight Frye in "Dracula," all bulging eyes and chewing, swallowing, and regurgitating scenery.  Vince takes this complex part (Really the glue that holds the whole show together) and creates a believable, likeable, fascinating, completely (BEEP)ed up kid.</P>
<P>M:  You're not Ike.</P>
<P>I:  He seemed a little unsure of himself at first but half an hour in that was gone.  And this was just opening night.  If I had the opportunity, the money, and a valid driver's license I'd go back closing night just to see how the character's grown over the run.  I think the way they do the curtain call is quite fittin.'  Vincenzio deserves it.  He needs to stop hanging around that comedy group and start doing legitimate the-ater.</P>
<P>M:  You're Pod Ike!</P>
<P>I:  What the hell are you babbling about?</P>
<P>M:  I've never heard you say so many truly positive things in one conversation before.</P>
<P>I:  Gotta do somethin' to get happy.  DAMN, that show was depressin.'</P>
<P>M:  Don't worry.  Tomorrow night's show will put you in a much better mood.</P>
<P>I:  Cool.  What're we seein'?</P>
<P>M:  Night, Mother.</P>
<P> </P>
<P>NOTE:  All attempts at humor aside, it's a bit of a road trip but go see this show.  Carnation City Players has a great space and it's worth the drive and gas money and 8 bucks just for Vince's performance.  And I'm not saying that just because he's my friend.  He's that good--Jeff Holland</P>
<P> </P>
<P> </P>
<P> </P>
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