[NEohioPAL]A Mike and Ike Satirical Review of Carousel Dinner Theatre's "Jekyll and Hyde" Redux
Jeff Holland
profbobo at neo.rr.com
Tue Oct 22 08:48:09 PDT 2002
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IKE: You were supposed to hit save as draft, ya flippin idiot! Not =
send!
MIKE: It was a natural mistake.
I: No, mistakin' Keanu Reeves for a large piece of balsa wood is a =
mistake. This is just stupid.
M: Fine. Fine! I'm sorry. Mr. Sternfeld, I'm sorry. To the three =
people on the list who read our reviews, I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry. =
Anyone else I should apologize to?
I: Gary Coleman.
M: Why?
I: Why not?
M:(Deep breath) So what did you think of the show?
I: Well, the dinner was good.
M: Ike.
I: I knew I was in trouble when I found out the songs were written by =
the same guy who wrote "The Candyman Can."
M: You didn't like any of the songs?
I: Well, Murder Murder isn't bad. Only cuse it shows several =
thoroughly unlikeable twerps getting offed in fun ways. Liked the sword =
through the neck. That was cool.
M: What about "This is the Moment," Jekyll's big anthem?
I: The one that sounds like it was written for Neil Diamond?
M: That's the one!
I: I think I just made my opinion quite clear. So how long do you =
think it took Jerkyll to learn to sing with his crotch?
M: Oh, God.
I: Come on! At least three times during that song he'd hit a big =
important note and one of his feet would go up, he'd point into the =
audience and he'd jut his pelvis foreward so everone could tell what =
religion he was.
M: It was not that bad.
I: His genetalia was harmonizin' with him!
M: Enough!
I: Oh, and then there was the big transformation scene, which I have =
issues with anyway, cause all he does when he becomes Hyde is let his =
hair down and wrap himself in a bear skin rug--It's the freakin' He-Man =
syndrome all over again.
M: I will give you that. Obviously the higher class you got in =
Victorian London, the lower the IQ.
I: So anyway, he takes his serum--and there was a nice little effect =
of the red Re-Animator stuff disappearing into his arm--and he starts =
writhing all over the floor like he's just seen Bette Davis nekkid.
M: Bette Davis is dead.
I: Exactly! And, of course, for this first transformation the big =
effect is him removing his scrunchie. So he stands with his back to the =
audience, squatting slightly, and in his best Jack Klugman voice says =
"LOOK AT ME!" The way he was squatting, all I could think was "Look at =
my ass!"
M: And then there was "Letting Go," sung by Sir Danvers to his equally =
large assed daughter Emma. Of course, that was the bustle on her dress.
I: We hope.
M: It's a very nice, very sweet song, that has no bloody business in a =
show about multiple personality disorder. I can see it in "Golden =
Girls--The Musical."
I: And then there's "Dangerous Game," which is admittedly the coolest =
song about rape I ever heard.
M: It is not about rape.
I: Were you watchin' the staging? That and Jerkyll's singing salami =
were the scariest parts of the entire evening. And ya know, speakin' of =
scary. Maybe it's just me, but is a show about murder and revenge and =
impalements, and hooker abuse and large asses really what people want to =
watch just after they've eaten?
M: Well, originally they were talking about doing "Sweeny Todd."
I: Well, that would have been fun.
A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM MIKE
Greetings and salutations, theatre lovers. This week-end the =
University of Akron is presenting Waiting for Godot, which is =
universally reguarded as one of the worst plays ever written, even by =
the author, which in itself is reason enough to go see it. Ike and I =
are going to be there Thursday night. It's in Studio 28 in the basement =
of Guzetta Hall, the same place we were a couple of weeks ago. This =
needs to be seen anyway, but at the very least come Thursday night and =
watch Ike have a seizure. It should be fun.
ANOTHER SPECIAL MESSAGE, THIS ONE FROM IKE
I gotta tell ya, folks, I am impressed. We got quite a lot of entires =
in the "Let's insult Jeff Holland" contest. Most were pretty damn =
funny, a couple were just rude. A winner has indeed been chosen, but =
for some reason we can't get into the Yahoo mailbox right now to =
actually print the winner. Hopefully, this little Gremlin screw up =
will be fixed by the time we do our next review. Rest assured, though, =
ASAP you will see how one of your own ripped on that tall, skinny, bald =
guy. Keep readin'.=20
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>IKE: You were supposed to hit =
save as draft,=20
ya flippin idiot! Not send!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>MIKE: It was a natural =
mistake.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: No, mistakin' Keanu Reeves for =
a large=20
piece of balsa wood is a mistake. This is just =
stupid.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Fine. Fine! I'm =
sorry. =20
Mr. Sternfeld, I'm sorry. To the three people on the list who read =
our=20
reviews, I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry. Anyone else I should =
apologize=20
to?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Gary Coleman.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Why?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Why not?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M:(Deep breath) So what did you think =
of the=20
show?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Well, the dinner was =
good.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Ike.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: I knew I was in trouble =
when I found=20
out the songs were written by the same guy who wrote "The Candyman=20
Can."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: You didn't like any of =
the=20
songs?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Well, Murder Murder isn't =
bad. Only=20
cuse it shows several thoroughly unlikeable twerps getting offed in fun=20
ways. Liked the sword through the neck. That was =
cool.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: What about "This is the =
Moment," Jekyll's=20
big anthem?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: The one that sounds like =
it was=20
written for Neil Diamond?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: That's the one!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: I think I just made my opinion =
quite clear. So how long do you think it took Jerkyll to =
learn to=20
sing with his crotch?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Oh, God.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Come on! At least three =
times during=20
that song he'd hit a big important note and one of his feet would =
go up,=20
he'd point into the audience and he'd jut his pelvis foreward so everone =
could=20
tell what religion he was.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: It was not that =
bad.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: His genetalia was harmonizin' =
with=20
him!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Enough!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Oh, and then there was the big =
transformation scene, which I have issues with anyway, cause all he =
does=20
when he becomes Hyde is let his hair down and wrap himself in a =
bear skin=20
rug--It's the freakin' He-Man syndrome all over again.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: I will give you =
that. Obviously=20
the higher class you got in Victorian London, the lower the=20
IQ.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: So anyway, he takes his =
serum--and=20
there was a nice little effect of the red Re-Animator stuff disappearing =
into=20
his arm--and he starts writhing all over the floor like he's just seen =
Bette=20
Davis nekkid.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Bette=20
Davis is dead.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Exactly! And, of course, =
for=20
this first transformation the big effect is him removing his=20
scrunchie. So he stands with his back to the audience, squatting =
slightly,=20
and in his best Jack Klugman voice says "LOOK AT ME!" The way he =
was=20
squatting, all I could think was "Look at my ass!"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: And then there was "Letting =
Go," sung by=20
Sir Danvers to his equally large assed daughter Emma. Of course, =
that was=20
the bustle on her dress.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: We hope.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: It's a very nice, very sweet =
song, that=20
has no bloody business in a show about multiple personality =
disorder. =20
I can see it in "Golden Girls--The Musical."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: And then there's =
"Dangerous Game,"=20
which is admittedly the coolest song about rape I ever=20
heard.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: It is not about =
rape.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Were you watchin' the =
staging? That=20
and Jerkyll's singing salami were the scariest parts of the entire=20
evening. And ya know, speakin' of scary. Maybe it's just me, =
but is=20
a show about murder and revenge and impalements, and hooker abuse and =
large=20
asses really what people want to watch just after=20
they've eaten?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Well, originally they =
were talking=20
about doing "Sweeny Todd."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Well, that would have been=20
fun.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>A SPECIAL MESSAGE =
FROM MIKE</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Greetings and salutations, =
theatre=20
lovers. This week-end the University of Akron is presenting =
Waiting for=20
Godot, which is universally reguarded as one of the worst plays =
ever=20
written, even by the author, which in itself is reason enough =
to=20
go see it. Ike and I are going to be there =
Thursday=20
night. It's in Studio 28 in the basement of Guzetta =
Hall, the=20
same place we were a couple of weeks ago. This needs to be =
seen=20
anyway, but at the very least come Thursday night and watch Ike =
have a=20
seizure. It should be fun.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>ANOTHER SPECIAL MESSAGE, THIS ONE FROM=20
IKE</FONT></DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I gotta tell ya, folks, I am =
impressed. We=20
got quite a lot of entires in the "Let's insult Jeff Holland"=20
contest. Most were pretty damn funny, a couple were just =
rude. A winner has indeed been chosen, but for some reason we =
can't=20
get into the Yahoo mailbox right now to actually print the=20
winner. Hopefully, this little Gremlin screw up will be =
fixed by the=20
time we do our next review. Rest assured, though, ASAP you =
will see=20
how one of your own ripped on that tall, skinny, bald =
guy. Keep=20
readin'.</FONT> </DIV></BODY></HTML>
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