[NEohioPAL]A Mike and Ike Satirical Review of Weathervane's "Arsenic and Old Lace."

Fri Feb 7 13:22:03 PST 2003

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WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING REVIEW HAS BEEN RATED PG-13 BY DUSTIN DIAMOND.  =
THE MAN IS ON  "STAR DATES."  HE OBVIOUSLY NEEDS SOMETHING TO DO.
=20

IKE:  First off, I wanna go on record as sayin' I didn't even want to =
see a show Saturday night.

=20

MIKE:  They were still doing it; we could still see it.  Besides, you =
laughed.

=20

I:  Hell, yeah!  Coked up grannies on a rampage.  My kinda comedy.

=20

M:  The grannies were not "coked up."

=20

I:  Come on, Michael.  They were way too happy.   And this wasn't no =
"I'm completely loopy" happy.  This was a happiness born of chemical =
dependency.  Pretty sure Einstein was stoned.

=20

M:  Ike.

=20

I:  Johnathan was on thorazine.  Teddy was just havin' a good trip.  The =
cops were freebasing before they came in.

=20

M:  What does this have to do with anything?

=20

I:  They're gonna be arguin' that question for years.

=20

M:  No, I think it's going to be how'd I get away with it.

=20

PAUSE

=20

I:  I'm gonna figure that one out on the way home, ain't I?

=20

M:  There is that possibility.

=20

PAUSE

=20

I:  So the set is nice.

=20

M:  The kind of set you'd want to see a muder mystery/comedy on.

=20

I:  The kinda set you'd LIKE to see someone die in, though you never do.

=20

M:  This is also a comedy of mannors.   It wouldn't be polite to show =
the actual murders.

=20

I:  Woulda made it a tad more interestin.'

=20

M:  You were laughing!

=20

I:  The idea of sister senior serial killers amuses me, what can I say?  =
Plus it shows a whiny the-ater critic get tied and gagged.  He'da been =
English, I would'a been in Heaven.

=20

M:  There was a lot of theatre critic abuse in this, wasn't there.

=20

I:  Yep.  Loved it.

=20

M:  It was beautiful.

=20

I:  Killer grannies on uppers and critic bashing!  All this show needed =
was a monkey in a diaper and it woulda been the best play EVER!!!!

=20

M:  Let's be fair.  It was not perfect.

=20

I:  We're gonna talk about this, aren't we.

=20

M:  I feel we need to.

=20

M and I:(Together) Jonathan's make up!

=20

M:  Now in the original run, Boris Karloff played the Brewster who =
looked like Boris Karloff, so the joke worked.  Now, of course, it's =
rather difficult to get Karloff for this role,  particularly Community =
Theatre productions so some suspension of disbelief is in order.

=20

I:  Couple of scars, maybe some bruising, I can deal.  Makin' him look =
like an extra in the zombie scene in Michael Jackson's "Thriller" don't =
work! =20

=20

M:  The man was scary enough as it was, the make up actually detracted =
from his performance and in normal light, when he was trying to be =
ominous he just came across as a Batman villain.

=20

I:  However, when he was in the spooky light and tryin' to be ominous he =
freaked the hell outta me.

=20

M:  It's nice to see Mr. Stillitano doing some legitimate theatre.

=20

I:  I told him, getting away from Holland was the best thing he could =
do.

=20

M:  He should have been Irish, though.

=20

I:  Yeah, didn't get that either.  I also wanna go on record as sayin' =
that Emily Haase,  who also used to work with Holland and has escaped =
unscathed, has got one of the best secondary jokes in the show.

=20

M:  The Einstein bit!

=20

I:  Yeppers.  She's got this slow realization take at the end that is =
just comic gold.  It almost steels the thunder from the best last line =
in the-ater history.

=20

M:  That reminds me, are you thirsty?

=20

PAUSE

=20

I:  Why?

=20

M:  Just wondering.

=20

=20

AND NOW EXTRA SPECIAL GUEST CRITICISM FROM GUEST LIMEY REGINALD J. =
SMYTHE SMYTHE (He don't get to talk to us cause we're still mad about =
the whole closet deal--Ike)

=20

Reginald: (Ahem) Ithankyew. Let is be first stated for the record that I =
have nothing against fat gay bikers. wait. sorry... against the portly, =
alternatively sexual or those who worship the way of Harley Davidson. =
Nor do I have anything against swingers. Apparently someone just did not =
understand the Impossible Marriage review's closing comment. More's the =
pity. Also, I do hereby apologize for the cruel and unjust treatment of =
"Mike and Ike." That is not to say that I am sorry I locked them in a =
closet. it merely means that I do understand each of their respective =
skills at hygiene and should have taken that into account when choosing =
appropriate ventillation. It has been said that Ike has the bathing =
habits of a wild boar in July heat, and Michael has a habit of wearing =
too much of an aftershave that, with continuous exposure, will result in =
irritation of the eyes, dizziness, hallucination and eventually death. =
And still this does not qualify as cruel or unjust. However, when I =
forced them to listen to their own reviews on a loop as read by James =
Lipton being massaged by Leonard Maltin, well. there's only so far a man =
should be allowed to go. And I crossed that line. However, that is not =
far from the general theme of "Mike and Ike" reviews is it? It has been =
remarked that the handling of these reviews has been less than adult, or =
immature. I for one agree. And those who have written in turning this =
entire situation into a battle for freedom of speech and other lofty =
causes? Very bold. Inappropriate, but bold. Not nearly as immature, =
inappropriate or bold as having their pictures vandalized and mounted on =
a drum kit, but there's only so far we're willing to go. However one =
must never forget that "Mike and Ike" reviews are unkind, scathing, =
inappropriate, biting, brutally honest, badly written and completely =
meant to be a bloody joke! (sigh) Twits.=20

=20

What?

=20

Oh, yes. Of course.

=20

Arsenic and Old Lace was mildly amusing, mostly pedestrian, predictable =
and not very clever. But then again, so is the script.

I:  Okay, I actually thought he was gonna talk about the play.

M:  He did see it, didn't he?

I:  I thought he saw it with you.

M:  I thought he was with you.

I:  He didn't even see the damn thing!

M:  Oh, I know someone who' s getting closet time now!

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<HTML xmlns:o =3D "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office"><HEAD>
<META http-equiv=3DContent-Type content=3D"text/html; =
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<META content=3D"MSHTML 6.00.2600.0" name=3DGENERATOR>
<STYLE></STYLE>
</HEAD>
<BODY bgColor=3D#f0e8d8>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV style=3D"FONT: 10pt arial"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Arial">WARNING:  THE=20
FOLLOWING REVIEW HAS BEEN RATED PG-13 BY DUSTIN DIAMOND.  THE =
MAN=20
IS ON  "STAR DATES."  HE OBVIOUSLY NEEDS SOMETHING TO=20
DO.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">IKE:  =
First off,=20
I wanna go on record as sayin' I didn't even want to see a show =
Saturday=20
night.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">MIKE:  =
They were=20
still doing it; we could still see it.  Besides, you =
laughed.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
Hell,=20
yeah!  Coked up grannies on a rampage.  My kinda=20
comedy.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  The =
grannies=20
were not "coked up."</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
Come on,=20
Michael.  They were way too happy.   And this wasn't no =
"I'm=20
completely loopy" happy.  This was a happiness born of chemical=20
dependency.  Pretty sure Einstein was stoned.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M: =20
Ike.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
Johnathan was=20
on thorazine.  Teddy was just havin' a good trip.  The cops =
were=20
freebasing before they came in.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  =
What does=20
this have to do with anything?</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
They're gonna=20
be arguin' that question for years.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  No, =
I think=20
it's going to be how'd I get away with it.</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Arial">PAUSE</SPAN><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"BACKGROUND: #f0e8d8; MARGIN: 0in 0in =
0pt"><SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  I'm =

gonna figure that one out on the way home, ain't I?<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  =
There is that=20
possibility.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Arial">PAUSE<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  So =
the set is=20
nice.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  The =
kind of=20
set you'd want to see a muder mystery/comedy on.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  The =
kinda set=20
you'd LIKE to see someone die in, though you never do.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  =
This is also=20
a comedy of mannors.   It wouldn't be polite to show the =
actual=20
murders.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
Woulda made=20
it a tad more interestin.'<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  You =
were=20
laughing!<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  The =
idea of=20
sister senior serial killers amuses me, what can I say?  Plus it =
shows a=20
whiny the-ater critic get tied and gagged.  He'da been English, I =
would'a=20
been in Heaven.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  =
There was a=20
lot of theatre critic abuse in this, wasn't there.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
Yep. =20
Loved it.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  It =
was=20
beautiful.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
Killer=20
grannies on uppers and critic bashing!  All this show needed =
was a=20
monkey in a diaper and it woulda been the best =
play EVER!!!!<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  =
Let's be=20
fair.  It was not perfect.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
We're gonna=20
talk about this, aren't we.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  I =
feel we=20
need to.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M and =
I:(Together)=20
Jonathan's make up!<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  Now =
in the=20
original run, Boris Karloff played the Brewster who looked like =
Boris=20
Karloff, so the joke worked.  Now, of course, it's rather difficult =
to get=20
Karloff for this role,  particularly Community Theatre productions =
so some=20
suspension of disbelief is in order.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
Couple of=20
scars, maybe some bruising, I can deal.  Makin' him look like an =
extra in=20
the zombie scene in Michael Jackson's "Thriller" don't work! =20
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  The =
man was=20
scary enough as it was, the make up actually detracted from his =
performance=20
and in normal light, when he was trying to be ominous he just came =
across as a=20
Batman villain.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
However, when=20
he was in the spooky light and tryin' to be ominous he freaked the =
hell=20
outta me.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  =
It's nice to=20
see Mr. Stillitano doing some legitimate theatre.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  I =
told him,=20
getting away from Holland was the best thing he could do.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  He =
should=20
have been Irish, though.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I:  =
Yeah, didn't=20
get that either.  I also wanna go on record as sayin' that Emily=20
Haase,  who also used to work with Holland and has escaped =
unscathed, has=20
got one of the best secondary jokes in the show.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  The =
Einstein=20
bit!<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I: =20
Yeppers.  She's got this slow realization take at the end that is =
just=20
comic gold.  It almost steels the thunder from the best last line =
in=20
the-ater history.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  =
That reminds=20
me, are you thirsty?<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Arial">PAUSE<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I: =20
Why?<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">M:  =
Just=20
wondering.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 10pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: Arial">AND NOW =
EXTRA SPECIAL=20
GUEST CRITICISM FROM GUEST LIMEY REGINALD J. SMYTHE SMYTHE (He don't get =
to talk=20
to us cause we're still mad about the whole closet =
deal--Ike)<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"><o:p></o:p>
<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT-SIZE: 11pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: =
Tahoma"> <o:p></o:p>
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DTahoma>Reginald: (Ahem) =
Ithankyew. Let is=20
be first stated for the record that I have nothing against fat gay =
bikers=85 wait=85=20
sorry... against the portly, alternatively sexual or those who worship =
the way=20
of Harley Davidson. Nor do I have anything against swingers. Apparently =
someone=20
just did not understand the Impossible Marriage review=92s closing =
comment. More=92s=20
the pity. Also, I do hereby apologize for the cruel and unjust treatment =
of=20
=93Mike and Ike.=94 That is not to say that I am sorry I locked them in =
a closet=85 it=20
merely means that I do understand each of their respective skills at =
hygiene and=20
should have taken that into account when choosing appropriate =
ventillation. It=20
has been said that Ike has the bathing habits of a wild boar in July =
heat, and=20
Michael has a habit of wearing too much of an aftershave that, with =
continuous=20
exposure, will result in irritation of the eyes, dizziness, =
hallucination and=20
eventually death. And still this does not qualify as cruel or unjust. =
However,=20
when I forced them to listen to their own reviews on a loop as read by =
James=20
Lipton being massaged by Leonard Maltin, well=85 there=92s only so far a =
man should=20
be allowed to go. And I crossed that line. However, that is not far from =
the=20
general theme of =93Mike and Ike=94 reviews is it? It has been remarked =
that the=20
handling of these reviews has been less than adult, or immature. I for =
one=20
agree. And those who have written in turning this entire situation into =
a battle=20
for freedom of speech and other lofty causes? Very bold. Inappropriate, =
but=20
bold. Not nearly as immature, inappropriate or bold as having their =
pictures=20
vandalized and mounted on a drum kit, but there=92s only so far we=92re =
willing to=20
go. However one must never forget that =93Mike and Ike=94 reviews are =
unkind,=20
scathing, inappropriate, biting, brutally honest, badly written and=20
completely meant to be a bloody joke! (sigh) Twits. 
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8"><FONT=20
face=3DTahoma> <o:p></o:p>
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DTahoma>What?
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8"><FONT=20
face=3DTahoma> <o:p></o:p>
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DTahoma>Oh, yes. Of =
course.
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8"><FONT=20
face=3DTahoma> <o:p></o:p>
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DTahoma>Arsenic and Old Lace =
was mildly=20
amusing, mostly pedestrian, predictable and not very clever. But then =
again, so=20
is the script.
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DTahoma> 
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial size=3D2>I:  Okay, =
I actually=20
thought he was gonna talk about the play.
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial =
size=3D2> 
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial size=3D2>M:  He =
did see it,=20
didn't he?
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial =
size=3D2> 
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial size=3D2>I:  I =
thought he saw it=20
with you.
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial =
size=3D2> 
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial size=3D2>M:  I =
thought he=20
was with you.
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial =
size=3D2> 
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial size=3D2>I:  He =
didn't even see=20
the damn thing!
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial =
size=3D2> 
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" face=3DArial size=3D2>M:  Oh, I =
know someone=20
who' s getting closet time now!
<FONT=20
style=3D"BACKGROUND-COLOR: #f0e8d8" =
face=3DTahoma> </DIV></DIV><BR=20
clear=3Dall>
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