[NEohioPAL]DELETE NOW: Not a Mike and Ike Satirical Review of Weathervane's "Hamlet"

[Jeff Holland]

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WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING REVIEW WAS NOT WRITTEN BY MIKE OR IKE.  DON'T =
HATE THEM FOR THIS ONE. =20

IKE:  All I gotta say is Damn, people call us mean!

MIKE:  No, they call us a waste of time. Big difference.

THE FOLLOWING GUEST SATIRICAL REVIEW HAS NEITHER BEEN TESTED FOR =
ANTHRAX,=20
TERRORISM, SYPHILIS NOR CHIGGERS. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

FROM: Reginald J. Smythe-Smythe
RE: Weathervane's Youth/Family production of HAMLET

     Oh, dear reader, I pray you forgive my lateness in this review for =
my=20
eyes have yet to fully heal from trying to pry them out with fondu =
forks. I=20
haven't felt this overwhelmingly self-destructive since Marissa Tomei=20
recieved an Oscar(tm) but I will refrain from re-hashing that personal=20
escapade in lieu of sharing the sheer, unadulterated (literally) horror =
that=20
was Weathervane's Youth/Family production of HAMLET. I will first urge =
you=20
to reference Michael and Ike's opinions on children handling heavy =
material=20
in their review of Weathervane's Les Miz. I must say (and this terrifies =
me)=20
that I agree with the both of them. HAMLET is not only simply one of the =

most difficult productions for any theatre to attempt, let alone an =
actor to=20
portray, but it is also one of the most horribly raped, pillaged and=20
violated of The Bard's great works. First of all, it is vitally =
important=20
that the basics of theatre be adhered to. I.E. projection and volume. =
More=20
specifically, Hamlet should not sound like a 52 year old alcaholic on=20
thorazine with a hairlip. While miked. Especially when he is a junior in =

high school. How the director  missed this during his auditions was =
beyond=20
me. Aside from temporary insanity or drug use there is no logical =
explenation. The entire production was based in Elsinore Acadamy. (Not =
nearly as clever as Elsinore Brewery, a la Bob and Doug McKenzie's =
Strange Brew, but I digress.) The adults were overacting (including a =
Polonius that could not remember his lines) and the children seemed to =
be=20
doing as they were told rather than enacting and breathing life into the =

material. The saving graces were almost Horatio and Ophelia who made a =
solid=20
try at some good acting and charactarization but they were drug down by =
poor=20
editing and the fact that no matter how interesting they started to get, =
the=20
scene would invariably be destroyed by the entrance of the title =
character.=20
Even my excitement over the impressive fencing was immediatly destroyed =
when=20
I realized that nobody was actually dying. Pity. It would have saved =
them=20
the trouble of leaving a program that told them they were all wonderful =
and=20
to pursue study and a career in theatre (which the aforementioned title=20
character has every intention of doing according to his bio) only to be=20
laughed out of auditions when the director instructed them to re-learn =
the=20
skill of diction. Let alone that students from other schools were taken =
out=20
of a constructive learning environment were brought in to view this=20
exceedingly painful three hour production as an educational field trip.=20
Stop. Stop this insanity now. It's upsetting enough to perform crap =
theatre,=20
but it shows bad form to bring busloads of students in to observe this=20
travesty and call it "theatre". I, myself, witnessed one teacher vexing =
with=20
another over how they wanted to take their students back to their school =
at=20
the intermission. And yet they stayed... why? Because they had to.

Call we this education?

That buzzing sound you heard coming from England? That was the friction =
of=20
William spinning in his grave.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to lock myself into a steel cage =
and=20
drown in a vat made up primarily of salivary fluids collected from the=20
deranged and retarted. After this experience I have decided that I no =
longer=20
have the courage to attend theatre anymore.

Adieu.


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<BODY bgColor=3D#ffffff>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING REVIEW WAS =
NOT WRITTEN=20
BY MIKE OR IKE.  DON'T HATE THEM FOR THIS ONE.  </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>IKE:  All I gotta say is =
Damn, people=20
call us mean!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>MIKE:  No, they call us a waste of =
time. Big=20
difference.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV>THE FOLLOWING GUEST SATIRICAL REVIEW HAS NEITHER BEEN TESTED FOR =
ANTHRAX,=20
<BR>TERRORISM, SYPHILIS NOR CHIGGERS. READ AT YOUR OWN =
RISK.<BR><BR>FROM:=20
Reginald J. Smythe-Smythe<BR>RE: Weathervane's Youth/Family production =
of=20
HAMLET<BR><BR>     Oh, dear reader, I pray you =
forgive my=20
lateness in this review for my <BR>eyes have yet to fully heal from =
trying to=20
pry them out with fondu forks. I <BR>haven't felt this overwhelmingly=20
self-destructive since Marissa Tomei <BR>recieved an Oscar(tm) but I =
will=20
refrain from re-hashing that personal <BR>escapade in lieu of sharing =
the sheer,=20
unadulterated (literally) horror that <BR>was Weathervane's Youth/Family =

production of HAMLET. I will first urge you <BR>to reference Michael and =
Ike's=20
opinions on children handling heavy material <BR>in their review of=20
Weathervane's Les Miz. I must say (and this terrifies me) <BR>that I =
agree with=20
the both of them. HAMLET is not only simply one of the <BR>most =
difficult=20
productions for any theatre to attempt, let alone an actor to =
<BR>portray, but=20
it is also one of the most horribly raped, pillaged and <BR>violated of =
The=20
Bard's great works. First of all, it is vitally important <BR>that the =
basics of=20
theatre be adhered to. I.E. projection and volume. More =
<BR>specifically, Hamlet=20
should not sound like a 52 year old alcaholic on <BR>thorazine with a =
hairlip.=20
While miked. Especially when he is a junior in <BR>high school. How the=20
director  missed this during his auditions was beyond <BR>me. Aside =
from=20
temporary insanity or drug use there is no logical explenation. The =
entire=20
production was based in Elsinore Acadamy. (Not nearly as clever as =
Elsinore=20
Brewery, a la Bob and Doug McKenzie's Strange Brew, but I digress.) The =
adults=20
were overacting (including a Polonius that could not remember his lines) =
and the=20
children seemed to be <BR>doing as they were told rather than enacting =
and=20
breathing life into the <BR>material. The saving graces were almost =
Horatio and=20
Ophelia who made a solid <BR>try at some good acting and =
charactarization but=20
they were drug down by poor <BR>editing and the fact that no matter how=20
interesting they started to get, the <BR>scene would invariably be =
destroyed by=20
the entrance of the title character. <BR>Even my excitement over the =
impressive=20
fencing was immediatly destroyed when <BR>I realized that nobody was =
actually=20
dying. Pity. It would have saved them <BR>the trouble of leaving a =
program that=20
told them they were all wonderful and <BR>to pursue study and a career =
in=20
theatre (which the aforementioned title <BR>character has every =
intention of=20
doing according to his bio) only to be <BR>laughed out of auditions when =
the=20
director instructed them to re-learn the <BR>skill of diction. Let alone =
that=20
students from other schools were taken out <BR>of a constructive =
learning=20
environment were brought in to view this <BR>exceedingly painful three =
hour=20
production as an educational field trip. <BR>Stop. Stop this insanity =
now. It's=20
upsetting enough to perform crap theatre, <BR>but it shows bad form to =
bring=20
busloads of students in to observe this <BR>travesty and call it =
"theatre". I,=20
myself, witnessed one teacher vexing with <BR>another over how they =
wanted to=20
take their students back to their school at <BR>the intermission. And =
yet they=20
stayed... why? Because they had to.<BR><BR>Call we this =
education?<BR><BR>That=20
buzzing sound you heard coming from England? That was the friction of=20
<BR>William spinning in his grave.<BR><BR>Now if you will excuse me, I =
am going=20
to lock myself into a steel cage and <BR>drown in a vat made up =
primarily of=20
salivary fluids collected from the <BR>deranged and retarted. After this =

experience I have decided that I no longer <BR>have the courage to =
attend=20
theatre anymore.<BR><BR>Adieu.<BR></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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