[NEohioPAL]DELETE NOW: A Mike and Ike Satirical Review of the CTC Benefit
Jeff Holland
profbobo at neo.rr.com
Sat Jun 21 14:50:02 PDT 2003
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WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REVIEW WOULD NORMALLY COST YOU TWENTY DOLLARS TO =
READ, BUT SINCE THE YEAR IS HALF OVER WE'LL GIVE IT TO YOU FOR TEN
IKE: Riddle me this, limey: When is a theatrical performance like =
premature ejaculation?
MIKE: Oh, dear God.
I: Answer: When we're doin' it.
M: I thought you dealt with this issue while we were watching "The =
Hulk."
I: Thirty more seconds. That's all we needed. We didn't even get a =
chance to make our point!
M: What does it matter? We still had a great time.
I: I gotta admit, it was kinda cool to meet the fans.
M: What?
I: I couldn't believe how many people came up and said how much they =
don't hate our stuff.
M: Where was I for this?
I: You were tellin' Linda Eisenstien how smart she was not to cast =
Holland in Discordia.
M: You met fans?
I: David Hansen even thanked me for the State of Siege review.
M: I didn't meet any fans.
I: Course, then I asked him if he even read the thing.
M: I just had people asking if I was supposed to be there.
I: Yeah, I had a blast during the two hour schmooze fest.
M: Why didn't anybody come up to me?
I: I'm guessin' it's either your personality or your smell.
PAUSE
M: All right, I walked into that one.
I: It was also kinda fun eavesdroppin' on people talkin' about the =
economy and the whole Plain Dealer audition notice thing--Just one quick =
comment. I don't get why this was debated on the list. If you're on =
it, ya get all the auditions anyway, so who cares?
M: I can't lie, I was wondering that myself.
I: It was great seein' Fred get the award for this list.
M: He deserves it. It's a wonderful thing and he should get credit for =
it.
I: You are so right, limey! Because of this list, I think Fred =
Sternfeld will go down in local history as one of the greatist =
supporters of the arts PERIOD.
M: That's enough ass kissing for one night. =20
I: Good, lets get to the show.
M: The opening song was a brilliant parody of the Sondheim mini-classic =
"I'm Still Here," about doing theatre in this area. Whoever wrote it: =
Well done.
I: David Hansen's selection from his show "I Hate This"--That is what's =
it's called, right?
M: I'm not sure. I never saw a program.
I: Anyway, that was both charmin' and disturbin' at the same time. No =
mean feat. I can't wait to see the full show later this year. Looks =
like some damn fine theatre.
M: And then there was us. Due to some some miscommunication on our =
part, we wrote a longer piece than was actually needed. When we found, =
we cut it, and set it up so that the good folks from Flannigan's Wake =
were going to interrupt us at the two minute point.
I: We were just gettin' to the meat of the thing. We were roundin' =
third and headed for home, and we got chased off the stage by Cabaret =
Dada.
M: At least it wasn't the audience.
I: Well, since we didn't get to make out point there. We gonna do it =
here. Here's what would have been said.
IKE: Damn, limey, look at all these people! No wonder the-ater =
attendance is low. Nobody's seein' it cause everbody's doin it!
MIKE: I could cast so many productions of Joseph and the Amazing =
Technicolor Dreamcoat right now.
I: Yeah, but why would ya want to? Hey, how many straight people you =
think are in here tonight?
M: Well, there's only one onstage.
I: And it ain't you.
PAUSE. MIKE LOOKS AT HIM, GIVES HIM A RASPBERRY, THEN TURNS BACK TO THE =
AUDIENCE.
M: Greetings and salutations, friends, fans, Fred, former lovers, and =
folks who wish we would die violently at the hands of an angry Roy =
Berko. He's not Mike.
I: He ain't Ike.
M: Tonight, we press in here amongst the rest of the country =
copulatives, to paraphrase the Bard, to share your laughter, your =
triumphs, and most of all-
I: (Interrupting) Your money.
PAUSE
M: I was going to say love of the theatre.
I: Tonight it's the same thing. As you folks are leavin tonight, look =
out for the large men of Italian ancestry standin' at the exits with =
paper bags and brass knuckles.
M: Oh, for the love of Peter Brook.
I: Hey, I watch The Simpsons. I know how these things are run.
M: Anyway, we would like to take a moment to pay tribute to the unsung =
heroes of the theatre community. We speak not of the stage managers--
I: Few people do.
M: --or the tech crew, costumers, lighting and set designers or, in =
fact, anyone actually involved with a production at all. We speak, of =
course, of the critic.
I: The cartoon with John Lovitz?
PAUSE. MIKE LOOKS AT HIM, THEN WHACKS HIM HARD UPSIDE THE HEAD.
I: Ow! (Rubbing head) Hey, think ya loosened up the blood clot. Thanks, =
limey!
M: People like Tony Brown, the aforementioned Roy Berko, Linda =
Eisenstien.=20
I: We don't count cause we're fictional characters and we don't get =
paid.
M: And we are not just saluting theatre critics. Oh, no. What about =
our cinematic brethern, like Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper.
I: Roger Ebert light.
M: Television critics like . . . like . . .
I: R.D. Heldenfelgenberger.
M: The man from the Beacon Journal.
I: Right. Music critics like . . . the guy from Rolling Stone.
M: Book critics like . . .=20
I: Oh! Like . . .=20
M: Well, you know who you are. You, you are the ones fighting weekly =
in the trenches against mediCome Join in the Fun with this Completely =
Irreverent Interactive Improvisational Show. If you like the TV show =
"Who's Line is...." You'll love Love Something Dada. Cleveland's first =
and only Improvisational COMEDY Theatre.: =20
I: Well, shit.
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<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>WARNING: THE FOLLOWING =
REVIEW WOULD=20
NORMALLY COST YOU TWENTY DOLLARS TO READ, BUT SINCE THE YEAR IS HALF =
OVER WE'LL=20
GIVE IT TO YOU FOR TEN</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>IKE: Riddle me this, limey: =
When is a=20
theatrical performance like premature ejaculation?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>MIKE: Oh, dear God.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Answer: When we're doin' =
it.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: I thought you dealt with this =
issue while=20
we were watching "The Hulk."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Thirty more seconds. =
That's all we=20
needed. We didn't even get a chance to make our point!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: What does it matter? We =
still had a=20
great time.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: I gotta admit, it was kinda =
cool to meet=20
the fans.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: What?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: I couldn't believe how many =
people came up=20
and said how much they don't hate our stuff.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Where was I for =
this?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: You were tellin' Linda =
Eisenstien how=20
smart she was not to cast Holland in Discordia.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: You met fans?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: David Hansen even thanked me =
for the=20
State of Siege review.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: I didn't meet any =
fans.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Course, then I =
asked him if he=20
even read the thing.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: I just had people =
asking if I was=20
supposed to be there.
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV></FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Yeah, I had a blast during the =
two hour=20
schmooze fest.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: Why didn't anybody come up to=20
me?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: </FONT><FONT face=3DArial =
size=3D2>I'm=20
guessin' it's either your personality or your smell.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>PAUSE</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: All right, I walked into that=20
one.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: It was also kinda fun =
eavesdroppin'=20
on people talkin' about the economy and the whole Plain Dealer audition =
notice=20
thing--Just one quick comment. I don't get why this was debated on =
the=20
list. If you're on it, ya get all the auditions anyway, so who=20
cares?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: I can't lie, I was =
wondering that=20
myself.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: </FONT><FONT face=3DArial =
size=3D2>It was=20
great seein' Fred get the award for this list.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: He deserves it. It's a =
wonderful=20
thing and he should get credit for it.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: </FONT><FONT face=3DArial =
size=3D2>You=20
are so right, limey! Because of this list, I think Fred Sternfeld =
will go=20
down in local history as one of the greatist supporters of the arts=20
PERIOD.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: That's enough ass kissing for =
one=20
night. </FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Good, lets get to the=20
show.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: The opening song was a =
brilliant parody of=20
the Sondheim mini-classic "I'm Still Here," about doing theatre in this=20
area. Whoever wrote it: Well done.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: David Hansen's selection from =
his show "I=20
Hate This"--That is what's it's called, right?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: I'm not sure. I never =
saw a=20
program.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Anyway, that was both charmin' =
and=20
disturbin' at the same time. No mean feat. I can't wait to =
see the=20
full show later this year. Looks like some damn fine =
theatre.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: And then there was =
us. Due to=20
some</FONT><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> some miscommunication on =
our part, we=20
wrote a longer piece than was actually needed. When we found, we =
cut it,=20
and set it up so that the good folks from Flannigan's Wake were going to =
interrupt us at the two minute point.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: We were just gettin' to the =
meat of the=20
thing. We were roundin' third and headed for home, and we got =
chased off=20
the stage by Cabaret Dada.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M: At least it wasn't the=20
audience.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I: Well, since we didn't get =
to make out=20
point there. We gonna do it here. Here's what would have =
been=20
said.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><FONT size=3D4>
<P><FONT size=3D2>IKE: Damn, limey, look at all these people! No wonder =
the-ater=20
attendance is low. Nobody=92s seein=92 it cause everbody=92s doin =
it!</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>MIKE: I could cast so many productions of Joseph and =
the Amazing=20
Technicolor Dreamcoat right now.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Yeah, but why would ya want to? Hey, how many =
straight people=20
you think are in here tonight?</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: Well, there=92s only one onstage.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: And it ain=92t you.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>PAUSE. MIKE LOOKS AT HIM, GIVES HIM A RASPBERRY, THEN =
TURNS BACK=20
TO THE AUDIENCE.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: Greetings and salutations, friends, fans, Fred, =
former=20
lovers, and folks who wish we would die violently at the hands of an =
angry Roy=20
Berko. He=92s not Mike.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: He ain=92t Ike.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: Tonight, we press in here amongst the rest of the =
country=20
copulatives, to paraphrase the Bard, to share your laughter, your =
triumphs, and=20
most of all=97</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: (Interrupting) Your money.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>PAUSE</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: I was going to say love of the theatre.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Tonight it=92s the same thing. As you folks are =
leavin tonight,=20
look out for the large men of Italian ancestry standin=92 at the exits =
with paper=20
bags and brass knuckles.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: Oh, for the love of Peter Brook.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Hey, I watch The Simpsons. I know how these things =
are=20
run.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: Anyway, we would like to take a moment to pay =
tribute to the=20
unsung heroes of the theatre community. We speak not of the stage=20
managers--</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Few people do.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: --or the tech crew, costumers, lighting and set =
designers or,=20
in fact, anyone actually involved with a production at all. We speak, of =
course,=20
of the critic.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: The cartoon with John Lovitz?</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>PAUSE. MIKE LOOKS AT HIM, THEN WHACKS HIM HARD UPSIDE =
THE=20
HEAD.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Ow! (Rubbing head) Hey, think ya loosened up the =
blood clot.=20
Thanks, limey!</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: People like Tony Brown, the aforementioned Roy =
Berko, Linda=20
Eisenstien. </FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: We don=92t count cause we=92re fictional characters =
and we don=92t=20
get paid.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: And we are not just saluting theatre critics. =
Oh,=20
no. What about our cinematic brethern, like Roger Ebert and =
Richard=20
Roeper.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Roger Ebert light.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: Television critics like . . . like . . =
.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: R.D. Heldenfelgenberger.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: The man from the Beacon Journal.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Right. Music critics like . . . the guy =
from=20
Rolling Stone.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: Book critics like . . . </FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Oh! Like . . . </FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>M: Well, you know who you are. You, =
you are the=20
ones fighting weekly in the trenches against medi</FONT><FONT=20
size=3D2><STRONG><FONT size=3D4>Come Join in the Fun with this =
Completely Irreverent=20
Interactive Improvisational Show. If you like the TV show "Who's =
Line=20
is...." You'll love Love Something Dada. Cleveland's first and only=20
Improvisational COMEDY Theatre.</FONT></STRONG>: </FONT></P>
<P><FONT size=3D2>I: Well, shit.</FONT></P>
<P><STRONG></STRONG> </P></FONT></FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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