[NEohioPAL]DELETE NOW: A Mike and Ike Satirical Catch Up

Sat Nov 1 00:52:16 PST 2003

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WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING PIECE HAS BEEN RATED "A DANGER TO ALL AMERICANS" =
BY BILL KRISTOL.  HE SHOULD KNOW

MIKE:(English accent) Greetings and salutations friends, fans, Fred, =
former lovers, and folks who wished we'd die at the hands of an angry =
Roy Berko.  Well, fall has officially shot it's multi-colored, chilly =
load over us all, and we know what that means.

IKE:(Southern accent) The tv networks are premiering a whole new buncha =
shows we can ignore.

M:  Christmas decorations are going up.

I:  And movies are gettin' I.Q.'s again.

M:  So it's time for us to head back to the theatre.

I:  Now, unfortunately, unlike last year, this has not been a play free =
summer.  Can't lie, The Hulk was painful.  Summer movies are supposed to =
be loud, colorful, and pointless, not greek tragedies starring people =
with thyroid problems!  Actually had to see a couple of plays to remind =
me why I love crap  and restore my faith in the summer entertainment =
industry.

M:  And so, ladies and gentlemen, we now present "The Mike and Ike =
Report:  What We Did on Our Summer Vacation."

I:  And to make things a little more interestin,' we have decided to =
present these reviews in the ancient art of Haiku.  Enjoy.

Cain't Park's "Bat Boy"

A feral monster
Turns British, gay, and then dies
Best show of the year

The Lion King

Lots of money spent
Advertising does it's job
Crap that looks brilliant

Near West Theatre's "Jesus Christ Superstar"

Torn clothes and make up
Teens with big Mardi Gras hats
Pilate was a chick

Kent Stage Player's "As You Like It"

Shakespeare had this thing
Men, playing women, cross dress
The man had issues

Near West Theatre's "Hercules vs. Godzilla"

Kids, pop songs, and myths
Death belts out "I Will Survive"
We say "What the hell?"

The Mike and Ike Cavalcade of Whimsy and Enchantment

We gave it a shot
Lack of public interest
We died a bad death
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<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING =
PIECE HAS BEEN=20
RATED "A DANGER TO ALL AMERICANS" BY BILL KRISTOL.  HE SHOULD=20
KNOW</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>MIKE:(English accent) Greetings and =
salutations=20
friends, fans, Fred, former lovers, and folks who wished we'd die =
at the=20
hands of an angry Roy Berko.  Well, fall has officially shot it's=20
multi-colored, chilly load over us all, and we know what that=20
means.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>IKE:(Southern accent) The tv networks =
are=20
premiering a whole new buncha shows we can ignore.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M:  Christmas decorations are =
going=20
up.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I:  And movies are gettin' I.Q.'s=20
again.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M:  So it's time for us to head =
back to the=20
theatre.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I:  Now, unfortunately, unlike =
last year, this=20
has not been a play free summer.  Can't lie, The Hulk was =
painful. =20
Summer movies are supposed to be loud, colorful, and pointless, not =
greek=20
tragedies starring people with thyroid problems!  Actually had to =
see a=20
couple of plays to remind me why I love crap  and restore my faith =
in the=20
summer entertainment industry.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>M:  And so, ladies and gentlemen, =
we now=20
present "The Mike and Ike Report:  What We Did on Our Summer=20
Vacation."</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I:  And to make things a little =
more=20
interestin,' we have decided to present these reviews in the ancient art =
of=20
Haiku.  Enjoy.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Cain't Park's "Bat=20
Boy"</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>A feral =
monster</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Turns British, gay, and =
then=20
dies</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Best show of the =
year</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>The Lion=20
King</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial =
size=3D2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Lots of money =
spent</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Advertising does it's =
job</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Crap that looks =
brilliant</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Near West =
Theatre's "Jesus=20
Christ Superstar"</FONT></STRONG></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial =
size=3D2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Torn clothes and make =
up</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Teens with big Mardi =
Gras=20
hats</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Pilate was a =
chick</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Kent Stage =
Player's "As You Like=20
It"</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial =
size=3D2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Shakespeare had this=20
thing</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Men, playing women, =
cross=20
dress</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>The man had =
issues</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>Near West =
Theatre's "Hercules=20
vs. Godzilla"</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial =
size=3D2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Kids, pop songs, =
and=20
myths</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Death belts out "I Will=20
Survive"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>We say "What the =
hell?"</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2><STRONG>The Mike and Ike =
Cavalcade of=20
Whimsy and Enchantment</STRONG></FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dleft><STRONG><FONT face=3DArial =
size=3D2></FONT></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>We gave it a =
shot</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>Lack of public =
interest</FONT></DIV>
<DIV align=3Dcenter><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>We died a bad=20
death</FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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