[NEohioPAL]DELETE NOW: A Mike and Ike Satirical Kiss Off to "Flannigan's Wake"
Mike and Ike
limeyhick at yahoo.com
Fri Nov 21 10:43:13 PST 2003
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WARNING: NEW MEDECINE CAN INCREASE THE SIZE OF YOUR WARNING THREE TO FOUR INCHES. DOCTOR APPROVED. KEEP READING FOR DETAILS---Warning Submitted by JT Buck
Extra Special Choco-Fudgey Bonus Warning: The owls ARE what they seem. They're owls. David Lynch is such a freak.
MIKE:(English accent) Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.
IKE:(Southern accent) Yeah, but I didn't think Jacko would turn himself in. Figured he'd lead the cops in a chase across Neverland in a white Bronco.
M: That's not what I'm talking about.
I: Oh. Okay, then what? Eddie Murphey makin' another lousy movie?
M: Well, that's par for the course, but again, not what I'm talkin about.
I: Spill it, limey. I can only feign interest fer so long.
M: I am speaking about the end of Flannigan's Wake. Yes, after 522 performances in Cleveland this light, breezy piece of fluff about death, greed and mourning is being put to it's final rest tomorrow night.
I: Well, isn't that ironic?
M: Oh, no.
I: Don't ya think?
M:(Flatly) And why is that, Alannis?
SPOILER SPACE
I: Cause at the end of the thing the guy ain't even DEAD!! He pops out of the shower--
M: Coffin.
I: Same thing--says to everbody "Sorry, guys! Just kidding!" Everbody laughs, they might have sang a little song (I don't remember. Been tryin' to burn the ending out of my brain) and then they all get even more hammered. So even though he ain't dead in the show, he, and it, are flyin' with Buddy Holly now.
M: Yes, I get the irony. Thank you. I didn't know you hated the ending.
I: Course not. I was hammered when we saw it.
M: I remember now. And a week later when you regained consciousness--
I: That's when I got pissed!
M: But you did like the show, correrct?
I: Yeah, it was fun. There's two problems with this type a scripted/improv/audience participation the-ater. One: the scripts themselves usually range from pretty cute to so Godawful you'd think they were shows on UPN. Two: you need a really talented cast to make even the cute scripts work: people who can think on their feet, play the crowd, be funny, ya know what I mean. Ya don't got that, ya definitely got a show on UPN.
M: Thankfully, Flannigan's has one of the better scripts in this genre.
I: Except for the deus ex crapina ending.
M: And it definitely had a talented cast.
I: That I'll give you.
M: In fact, this week, while you were watching the 4 Disc extended DVD of Daddy Day Care, I went searching for cast members to offer their thoughts and ruminations on the show that has kept them alcoholics for so long.
I: Ya know, I never asked why ya came back so bloody that night.
M: GA Taggett threw me through several brick walls.
I: God, I love that man.
M: Meg Wherry told me to sodomize myself with the head of Ashton Kutcher, and no one else returned my calls. However, I did find John Regan, aka Father Damon Fitzgerald in a lesbian chat room on AOL and, once we were done, Mr. Regan graciously consented to answer 10 questions.
I: Okay, I just gotta say . . . ew.
M: Here is the transcript of our chat.
SEXYSADIE: Okay, Mr. Regan, we'll start with an easy one. How did you get involved in Flannigans Wake?
MOLLYMALONE: A neighbor saw the audition notice in the paper and gave it to my wife suggesting I go downtown and tryout... She didn't suggest I return home... she just wanted me out of the neighborhood I think?
SEXYSADIE: What exactly are Irish Rodeo Clowns? Drunk men dressed as leprechauns running from bulls?
M: I received a rather nasty response to this concerning stereotypes that I am not going to print here. He then actually answered the question.
MOLLYMALONE: I had to have a name for the production company. The "Irish Rodeo Clowns, LLC" is actually our production company.
SEXYSADIE: Are you, in fact, actually Irish or do you just do the accent to help sell the show?
MOLLYMALONE: I am a Bronxite by 'birth' but Irish by the Grace of God!
SEXYSADIE: Have you ever had an audience that just didn't get it?
MOLLYMALONE: I don't get this question...
SEXYSADIE: That answered that fairly well, I think. Now, on to the fun questions. Ever wanted to kill a castmember?
MOLLYMALONE: My lawyer has instructed me not to answer this question... By the way, can I borrow a shovel?
SEXYSADIE: Ever wanted to kill an audience member?
MOLLYMALONE: Like in my answer above, my lawyer has instructed me not to answer this question... By the way, can I borrow a backhoe?
SEXYSADIE: We tried a show at the Powerhouse and it failed worse than a Whoopie Goldberg sit-com. Do you think using a casket might have helped?
MOLLYMALONE: It couldn't hoit...
SEXYSADIE: What's next for John Michael Regan?
MOLLYMALONE: I may join the MEN OF STEEL... as a token "Man of Pizza & Ice Cream"? Under the ADA (American Dieting Association) guidelines any gathering of physically fit people with washboard or six-pack abs for stomachs MUST have at least one "CHUNKendale" dancer or be found in violation of the Baskin & Robbins 31 FLAVOR CODE, Revised 1993.
SEXYSADIE: And finally, do you have anything to say to your legions of fans that you haven't said in that final post on the Sternfeld list that you've resent every day for the last month?
MOLLYMALONE: To be serious for a moment... Thank you! I think what made our show special is we really LOVED our audiences... check that our fellow "mourners". They truly were family.... our American cousins!
M: And then he was gone, vanishing into cyberspace much like the snakes. I hung around in the room for a few hours and all was well in the universe. Farewell, Flannigan. You shall be missed.
I: Ya know ya only asked nine questions, right?
PAUSE
M: Shut up.
AND NOW A FINAL WORD FROM FATHER DAMON FITZGERALD
In Eire when girls take their friend that is soon to be wed out "ONE LAST TIME" before the nuptials take place it is called a "Hen Party". Whaddya think Gloria Steinem would have to say about that?
---------------------------------
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<DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>WARNING: NEW MEDECINE CAN INCREASE THE SIZE OF YOUR WARNING THREE TO FOUR INCHES. DOCTOR APPROVED. KEEP READING FOR DETAILS---Warning Submitted by JT Buck</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>Extra Special Choco-Fudgey Bonus Warning: The owls ARE what they seem. They're owls. David Lynch is such a freak.</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV>MIKE:(English accent) Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>IKE:(Southern accent) Yeah, but I didn't think Jacko would turn himself in. Figured he'd lead the cops in a chase across Neverland in a white Bronco.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: That's not what I'm talking about.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Oh. Okay, then what? Eddie Murphey makin' another lousy movie?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Well, that's par for the course, but again, not what I'm talkin about.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Spill it, limey. I can only feign interest fer so long.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: I am speaking about the end of Flannigan's Wake. Yes, after 522 performances in Cleveland this light, breezy piece of fluff about death, greed and mourning is being put to it's final rest tomorrow night.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Well, isn't that ironic?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Oh, no.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Don't ya think?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:(Flatly) And why is that, Alannis?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>SPOILER SPACE </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Cause at the end of the thing the guy ain't even DEAD!! He pops out of the shower--</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Coffin.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Same thing--says to everbody "Sorry, guys! Just kidding!" Everbody laughs, they might have sang a little song (I don't remember. Been tryin' to burn the ending out of my brain) and then they all get even more hammered. So even though he ain't dead in the show, he, and it, are flyin' with Buddy Holly now.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Yes, I get the irony. Thank you. I didn't know you hated the ending.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Course not. I was hammered when we saw it.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: I remember now. And a week later when you regained consciousness--</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: That's when I got pissed!</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: But you did like the show, correrct?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Yeah, it was fun. There's two problems with this type a scripted/improv/audience participation the-ater. One: the scripts themselves usually range from pretty cute to so Godawful you'd think they were shows on UPN. Two: you need a really talented cast to make even the cute scripts work: people who can think on their feet, play the crowd, be funny, ya know what I mean. Ya don't got that, ya definitely got a show on UPN.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Thankfully, Flannigan's has one of the better scripts in this genre.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Except for the deus ex crapina ending.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: And it definitely had a talented cast.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: That I'll give you.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: In fact, this week, while you were watching the 4 Disc extended DVD of Daddy Day Care, I went searching for cast members to offer their thoughts and ruminations on the show that has kept them alcoholics for so long.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Ya know, I never asked why ya came back so bloody that night.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: GA Taggett threw me through several brick walls.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: God, I love that man.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Meg Wherry told me to sodomize myself with the head of Ashton Kutcher, and no one else returned my calls. However, I did find John Regan, aka Father Damon Fitzgerald in a lesbian chat room on AOL and, once we were done, Mr. Regan graciously consented to answer 10 questions.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Okay, I just gotta say . . . ew.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Here is the transcript of our chat.</DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>Okay, Mr. Regan, we'll start with an easy one. How did you get involved in Flannigans Wake?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: A neighbor saw the audition notice in the paper and gave it to my wife suggesting I go downtown and tryout... She didn't suggest I return home... she just wanted me out of the neighborhood I think?</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>What exactly are Irish Rodeo Clowns? Drunk men dressed as leprechauns running from bulls?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: I received a rather nasty response to this concerning stereotypes that I am not going to print here. He then actually answered the question.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: I had to have a name for the production company. The "Irish Rodeo Clowns, LLC" is actually our production company.</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>Are you, in fact, actually Irish or do you just do the accent to help sell the show?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: I am a Bronxite by 'birth' but Irish by the Grace of God!</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>Have you ever had an audience that just didn't get it?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: I don't get this question...</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>That answered that fairly well, I think. Now, on to the fun questions. Ever wanted to kill a castmember?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: My lawyer has instructed me not to answer this question... By the way, can I borrow a shovel?</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>Ever wanted to kill an audience member?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: </STRONG> <STRONG>Like in my answer above, my lawyer has instructed me not to answer this question... By the way, can I borrow a backhoe?</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>We tried a show at the Powerhouse and it failed worse than a Whoopie Goldberg sit-com. Do you think using a casket might have helped? </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: It couldn't hoit...</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>What's next for John Michael Regan?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: I may join the MEN OF STEEL... as a token "Man of Pizza & Ice Cream"? Under the ADA (American Dieting Association) guidelines any gathering of physically fit people with washboard or six-pack abs for stomachs MUST have at least one "CHUNKendale" dancer or be found in violation of the Baskin & Robbins 31 FLAVOR CODE, Revised 1993.</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>SEXYSADIE: </STRONG>And finally, do you have anything to say to your legions of fans that you haven't said in that final post on the Sternfeld list that you've resent every day for the last month?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>MOLLYMALONE: To be serious for a moment... Thank you! I think what made our show special is we really LOVED our audiences... check that our fellow "mourners". They truly were family.... our American cousins!</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV>M: And then he was gone, vanishing into cyberspace much like the snakes. I hung around in the room for a few hours and all was well in the universe. Farewell, Flannigan. You shall be missed.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Ya know ya only asked nine questions, right?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>PAUSE</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Shut up.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><U>AND NOW A FINAL WORD FROM FATHER DAMON FITZGERALD</U></DIV>
<DIV><U></U> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>In Eire when girls take their friend that is soon to be wed out "ONE LAST TIME" before the nuptials take place it is called a "Hen Party". Whaddya think Gloria Steinem would have to say about that?</STRONG></DIV></DIV><p><hr SIZE=1>
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