[NEohioPAL]DELETE NOW: A Mike and Ike Satirical Review of "Starlight Express"

[Mike and Ike]

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WARNING:  DON'T DO THE CRIME IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME, YEAH.  DON'T DO IT
 
Mike:  You know, there are times when I'm embarrassed to be English.
 
Ike:  Nice ta know we agree on sumthin.'
 
M:  It's bad enough we inflicted Benny Hill, warm beer, and the United States on the rest of the world, then we have to be responsible for the unrelenting horror that is Starlight Express.  Readers of the world (Well, Northeastern Ohio) if you missed it, consider yourself fortunate.  If you were one of the few who escaped the theatre with your lives,  we will give the name of a center where you can receive free deprogramming at the end of this review.
 
I:  This ain't fair.  I'm the one that usually goes on a tear.
 
M:  Andrew, you scary little troll like man, what in the name of all that is good and pure where you thinking?  What kind of drugs induced the coma that convinced you dressing up actors like Nipsey Russell in The Wiz, putting them on roller skates, and having them sing about the emotional issues of TRAIN CARS would be a pretty neat idea?  I'm sorry, but I really don't care if the Little Engine That Could has inadequacy issues and the dining car's depressed!
 
I:  Ya know, I'm startin' to think this thing wasn't accidental.  Think about it.  Why do people see this show?  It ain't cause they think it's gonna be good.  I mean, come on!   People are goin' to see actors fall flat on their asses.  That's how he lulls them in.  They're waitin' for the train wreck but it never comes.  It's just lights and smoke and skating and up tempo power ballads sure to touch the 80's lover in all of us.
 
M:  And the sensory overload sends you into an altered state of consciousness and you actually believe you've seen a good show instead of being the victim of a premature autopsy.  My God, that's absolutely evil.
 
I:  Plot worthy of a Bond villain.
 
M:   Forbidden Broadway already did that joke.
 
I:  Oh.
 
M:  Although I have to admit, the 3-D movies were a lot of fun.
 
I:  Best part of the whole show.  
 
M:  See?  There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
 
LONG PAUSE
 
I:   Damn you, Lloyd Webber.
 
 
SPECIAL NOTE:  If you haven't yet, email limeyhick at yahoo.com to find out what Mike and Ike thought of Lord of the Rings:  Return of the King and Gigli.  Coming soon:  The best of everything in 2003 and the first annual Berkey awards for theatrical non suckiness.  





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<DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>WARNING:  DON'T DO THE CRIME IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME, YEAH.  DON'T DO IT</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV>Mike:  You know, there are times when I'm embarrassed to be English.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Ike:  Nice ta know we agree on sumthin.'</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  It's bad enough we inflicted Benny Hill, warm beer, and the United States on the rest of the world, then we have to be responsible for the unrelenting horror that is Starlight Express.  Readers of the world (Well, Northeastern Ohio) if you missed it, consider yourself fortunate.  If you were one of the few who escaped the theatre with your lives,  we will give the name of a center where you can receive free deprogramming at the end of this review.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  This ain't fair.  I'm the one that usually goes on a tear.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  Andrew, you scary little troll like man, what in the name of all that is good and pure where you thinking?  What kind of drugs induced the coma that convinced you dressing up actors like Nipsey Russell in The Wiz, putting them on roller skates, and having them sing about the emotional issues of TRAIN CARS would be a pretty neat idea?  I'm sorry, but I really don't care if the Little Engine That Could has inadequacy issues and the dining car's depressed!</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  Ya know, I'm startin' to think this thing wasn't accidental.  Think about it.  Why do people see this show?  It ain't cause they think it's gonna be good.  I mean, come on!   People are goin' to see actors fall flat on their asses.  That's how he lulls them in.  They're waitin' for the train wreck but it never comes.  It's just lights and smoke and skating and up tempo power ballads sure to touch the 80's lover in all of us.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  And the sensory overload sends you into an altered state of consciousness and you actually believe you've seen a good show instead of being the victim of a premature autopsy.  My God, that's absolutely evil.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  Plot worthy of a Bond villain.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:   Forbidden Broadway already did that joke.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  Oh.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  Although I have to admit, the 3-D movies were a lot of fun.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  Best part of the whole show.  </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  See?  There is a light at the end of the tunnel!</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>LONG PAUSE</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:   Damn you, Lloyd Webber.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>SPECIAL NOTE:  If you haven't yet, email <A href="mailto:limeyhick at yahoo.com">limeyhick at yahoo.com</A> to find out what Mike and Ike thought of Lord of the Rings:  Return of the King and Gigli.  Coming soon:  The best of everything in 2003 and the first annual Berkey awards for theatrical non suckiness.  </DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV><p><hr SIZE=1>
Do you Yahoo!?<br>
<a href="http://pa.yahoo.com/*http://us.rd.yahoo.com/evt=21260/*http://photos.yahoo.com">New Yahoo! Photos - easier uploading and sharing</a>
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