[NEohioPAL]DELETE NOW: The Complete History of Theatre (Abridged)
Mike and Ike
limeyhick2 at yahoo.com
Tue May 4 14:26:45 PDT 2004
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WARNING: TUXEDO THONGS HAVE BUTT FLAPS
COURSE 2-1B THE WHISPER OF SWEET NOHTHINGS
Mike: Greetings and salutations, students. He's not Professor Mike.
Ike: And he is a lyin,' two faced, Gratowski followin' piece of limey emu poop.
PAUSE
M: Is something the matter?
I: So where were you Saturday night?
M: At home not taking your calls like I do every night, why?
I: I see. So you didn't go out then?
M: What is this about?
I: Two words: Barking Spider.
M: What? You've named your genitals?
I: Don't play even dumber than usual with me. I saw the ad!
M: Okay, what in the name of all that is Ibsen are you babbling about?
I: Maybe this'll spark the synapses.
Who: The Mike and Al Show
What: The 10 minute Sketch
Where: The Barking Spider Tavern
When: Saturday May 1st at 11:00 PM
And you were going to tell me when?
M: That is not me.
I: Bantha boogers!
M: I have no idea where the Barking Spider is and I don't know anyone named Al. I know a few Betty's.
I: I thought we were a team!
M: We are! There's nobody I want to continually fail miserably with other than you.
I: Ya mean it?
M: Besides, after the Powerhouse shows I couldn't get a job ushering at Weathervane.
I: Okay. I feel better now.
M:(QUIETLY) Damn you, Sean McConaha. I will have revenge.
I: What?
M: Nothing. Nothing at all. Look, before this turns into an episode of "Queer as Folk" can we get on with the lecture, please?
I: Yeah. I'm resolved now.
M: Good.
I: Now, when we first started on this lesson we were planin' on includin' several different types of Japanese the-ater: includin' Noh, Kabuki, and Bum Raccoon.
M: Bunraku.
I: Whatever. But then we started doin' the research (Well, he did) and we discovered one very important thing.
M: We're lazy bastards.
I: Exactly. So we put the kibosh on Kabuki and said bye-bye to Burned Ragu.
M: Bunraku!
I: Whatever!
M: So. Now. Noh.
I: Yeah.
M: Where do we begin?
I: MST3K did a great rip on the "Who's on First" sketch about it.
PAUSE
M: That covers all the important information. Class dismissed.
I: Good. It's almost time for "One Tree Hill."
M: Noh, the theatre style which combines movement, music, dance, masks, poetry, drama and sexism, is the oldest form of traditional Japanese drama (Besides Godzilla films), originating sometime in the 14th century.
I: You are a piece a lyin' limey of emu poop.
M: Professional performers are predominantly placed in three cities: Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka. These professionals are almost entirely male, and Noh is in their blood, as the
pieces that exist have been performed by their families for generations.
I: If you're a man born into a Noh family, ya better not want to be a dentist cause it ain't gonna happen.
M: On the plus side, amatuer Noh, or Co-Noh as I've decided to call it, does include women in the cast, but they still have to get the men their saki.
I: There's about 240 Noh plays. That's it! The same plays over and over. And they're short, so ya usually get five a night. And they're not really plays!
M: And the apologies begin . . . now!
I: They're a lot of very slow movement set to music with some words thrown in ta keep ya awake.
M: Cultural differences, Isaac! And it's meticulously precise movement. Everything in Noh is precise, from the construction of the masks to the construction of the set.
I: And that's another thing! One set, built the same way, for every production. Two words: EW! Can you imagine every musical performed on the set of "Cats?"
M: That's part of the beauty of Noh.
I: Every Tennessee William's play on the set of "Cats." .
M: As usual, you're missing the point completely. Noh isn't about story. There's only five types of plays and they all follow pretty much the same format anyway. To me anyway, you're they're to admire the beauty of the craft. Music and dance, the oldest form of creation. It's storytelling in it's most primal form.
I: Ya lost me at missin' the point.
PAUSE
M: "Riverdance" on downers.
LONGER PAUSE
I: Okay, I get it now! Cool!
M: We have evolution!
SHAMELESS PLUG
To read Mike and Ike's views on children's entertainment and to vote for the worst movie ever, go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/limeyhick/
---------------------------------
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<DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG>WARNING: TUXEDO THONGS HAVE BUTT FLAPS</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>COURSE 2-1B THE WHISPER OF SWEET NOHTHINGS</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV>Mike: Greetings and salutations, students. He's not Professor Mike.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Ike: And he <STRONG>is</STRONG> a lyin,' two faced, Gratowski followin' piece of limey emu poop.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>PAUSE</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Is something the matter?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: So where were you Saturday night?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: At home not taking your calls like I do every night, why?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: I see. So you didn't go out then?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: What is this about?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Two words: Barking Spider.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: What? You've named your genitals?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Don't play even dumber than usual with me. I saw the ad!</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Okay, what in the name of all that is Ibsen are you babbling about?</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Maybe this'll spark the synapses.</DIV>
<DIV align=center><FONT face="Times New Roman">Who: The Mike and Al Show</FONT> <BR><FONT face="Times New Roman">What: The 10 minute Sketch</FONT> <BR><FONT face="Times New Roman">Where: The Barking Spider Tavern</FONT> <BR><FONT face="Times New Roman">When: Saturday May 1<SUP>st</SUP> at 11:00 PM</FONT> </DIV>
<DIV align=left> And you were going to tell me when?</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: That is not me.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Bantha boogers!</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: I have no idea where the Barking Spider is and I don't know anyone named Al. I know a few Betty's.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: I thought we were a team!</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: We are! There's nobody I want to continually fail miserably with other than you.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Ya mean it?</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Besides, after the Powerhouse shows I couldn't get a job ushering at Weathervane.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Okay. I feel better now.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M:(<STRONG>QUIETLY</STRONG>) Damn you, Sean McConaha. I will have revenge.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: What?</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Nothing. Nothing at all. Look, before this turns into an episode of "Queer as Folk" can we get on with the lecture, please?</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Yeah. I'm resolved now.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Good. </DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Now, when we first started on this lesson we were planin' on includin' several different types of Japanese the-ater: includin' Noh, Kabuki, and Bum Raccoon.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Bunraku.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Whatever. But then we started doin' the research (Well, he did) and we discovered one very important thing.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: We're lazy bastards.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Exactly. So we put the kibosh on Kabuki and said bye-bye to Burned Ragu.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Bunraku!</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Whatever!</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: So. Now. Noh.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Yeah.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Where do we begin?</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: MST3K did a great rip on the "Who's on First" sketch about it.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG>PAUSE</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: That covers all the important information. Class dismissed.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Good. It's almost time for "One Tree Hill."</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Noh, the theatre style which combines movement, music, dance, masks, poetry, drama and sexism, is the oldest form of traditional Japanese drama (Besides Godzilla films), originating sometime in the 14th century.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: You are a piece a lyin' limey of emu poop.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Professional performers are predominantly placed in three cities: Tokyo, Kyoto, and Osaka. These professionals are almost entirely male, and Noh is in their blood, as the</DIV>
<DIV align=left>pieces that exist have been performed by their families for generations.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: If you're a man born into a Noh family, ya better not want to be a dentist cause it ain't gonna happen.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: On the plus side, amatuer Noh, or Co-Noh as I've decided to call it, does include women in the cast, but they still have to get the men their saki.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: There's about 240 Noh plays. That's it! The same plays over and over. And they're short, so ya usually get five a night. And they're not really plays!</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: And the apologies begin . . . now!</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: They're a lot of very slow movement set to music with some words thrown in ta keep ya awake.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: Cultural differences, Isaac! And it's meticulously precise movement. Everything in Noh is precise, from the construction of the masks to the construction of the set.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: And that's another thing! One set, built the same way, for every production. Two words: EW! Can you imagine every musical performed on the set of "Cats?"</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: That's part of the beauty of Noh.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Every Tennessee William's play on the set of "Cats." .</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: As usual, you're missing the point completely. Noh isn't about story. There's only five types of plays and they all follow pretty much the same format anyway. To me anyway, you're they're to admire the beauty of the craft. Music and dance, the oldest form of creation. It's storytelling in it's most primal form.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Ya lost me at missin' the point.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG>PAUSE</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: "Riverdance" on downers.</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG>LONGER PAUSE</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>I: Okay, I get it now! Cool!</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>M: We have evolution!</DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left> </DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG>SHAMELESS PLUG</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV align=left><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV align=left>To read Mike and Ike's views on children's entertainment and to vote for the worst movie ever, go to <A href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/limeyhick/">http://groups.yahoo.com/group/limeyhick/</A></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV></DIV><p>
<hr size=1><font face=arial size=-1>Do you Yahoo!?<br><a href="http://pa.yahoo.com/*http://us.rd.yahoo.com/hotjobs/hotjobs_mail_signature_footer_textlink/evt=23983/*http://hotjobs.sweepstakes.yahoo.com/careermakeover">Win a $20,000 Career Makeover at Yahoo! HotJobs </a>
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