[NEohioPAL]DELETE NOW: A Satirical Review of Elyria Summer Theatre's "Wizard of Oz"

[Mike and Ike]

--0-922845550-1090696842=:92061
Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

WARNING:  THEY’RE BACK . . . AND THEY ARE CRANKY
 
MIKE: (English accent) Gather round, children.  It’s time for Uncle Mike and Auntie Ike to tell you another story.
 
IKE: (Southern accent) Ass.
 
M:  Once upon a stage, there was a little girl named Dorothy who lived with her aunt, her uncle, three farmhands, Benji the dog, and a piano and drum player.  All of them lived together in the shortest, thinnest house ever designed by a tech director.
 
I:  Now Dorothy was the sweetest, kindest girl you’ve seen since Annie, but the grown ups were all either dumb as a bag of hammers or abusive rejects from anger management classes.  Dorothy’s life was tough but she didn’t mind.  Whenever times got hard, the piano and drum player would start playing ballads that she could sing to, and all was right with the world.
 
M:  One day, Billie Bird stopped by and tried to take Benji away, and Dorothy did what any black school teacher in her mid 30’s would do.  She ran off, met a drug dealer, took a couple tabs of orange sunshine and was whisked away to a magic land of color (Except for the people), midgets, Ashton Kutcher, and trees that looked like Sigmund and the Sea Monsters.
 
I:  The first person she met there was a prom queen named Glinda who introduced her to the midgets, chopped off a lesbian’s feet, gave Dorothy the lesbian’s FABULOUS shoes, and told her that the only way she could get home was to take more orange sunshine and visit a big green head with a bad microphone who lived far, far away behind a backdrop made entirely of jade penises.
 
M:  Dorothy also met another woman, who was the exact same color as the schlongscrapers, and she had orthopedic problems.  She wanted the shoes for herself, but Glinda wouldn’t allow it.  “Keep those shoes on you at all times,” she told Dorothy.  “This woman is a different color from us, and therefore doesn’t deserve to have comfortable feet.”  She then sent Dorothy along an invisible yellow brick road to find the big green head.
 
I:  But Dorothy was not alone in her quest, oh no!  If that was the case, things might have gone much easier.  Instead she met three obsessive-compulsives with severe body image issues who did nothing but whine, sing and dance.  Thankfully, the piano and drum player tagged along for the trip as well, so no one looked weird.
 
M:  Eventually, after doing some more drugs they wound up in Australia, where they were pampered and preened and sung to before the big green head told them (Once his microphone was turned on) that they had to brutally murder the woman with the bad feet, simply because she was different than everyone else, before he would help them.  
 
I:  But the green woman (Who, after years of being ostracized had gotten a bit grumpy) had a plan.  She sent flying monkeys dressed in sweat suits with muffin tins on their heads to kidnap Dorothy and gave her one last chance.  “Let me walk comfortable JUST ONCE!” she said, “or I’ll make you listen to the soundtrack to State Fair.”  Dorothy was afraid.
 
M:  But her obsessive-compulsive friends dressed up like Shriner’s and saved her, brutally and painfully melting the green skinned woman who just might have been kind and gentle if she’d only had a pair of Reebok’s.
 
I:  Now the big green head, who turned out to have a small white head, helped Dorothy’s three friend’s get over their issues, but was unable to help Dorothy herself because he was a man, and quite jealous of women’s ability to conceive.
 
M:  Dorothy was sad, until the prom queen showed back up again and said that she had to power to get home all along, and she didn’t tell Dorothy this before because she was a complete bitch.  Dorothy had to learn a lesson first, and that lesson was to never EVER leave home or try to do anything exciting in your life otherwise you will get hooked on hallucinogenics, violated by dwarves, and have fallen arches.  Once Dorothy realized that her place was barefoot and pregnant, she was able to return home, safe in a black and white world of mediocrity and banality.  
 
I:  Meanwhile, two jaded and mildly amusing the-ater critics saw a pretty damn good production of this odd little tale, and whenever anyone would break into song, all the children in the audience would sing along and, for just a few moments, they were able to forget their issues with the story, their bad jokes, and remember what it was like to be a child again.  And all was right with the world.

M and I: (Together) The end.
 
 
SHAMELESS PLUG:  Go to groups.yahoo.com/groups/limeyhick to find out what Mike and Ike thought of White Chicks, Spider-Man 2, Fahrenheit 9/11, and seeing Jimmy Buffet live.
 
 

		
---------------------------------
Do you Yahoo!?
New and Improved Yahoo! Mail - Send 10MB messages!
--0-922845550-1090696842=:92061
Content-Type: text/html; charset=us-ascii

<DIV><STRONG>WARNING:  THEY’RE BACK . . . AND THEY ARE CRANKY</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV>MIKE: (English accent) Gather round, children.  It’s time for Uncle Mike and Auntie Ike to tell you another story.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>IKE: (Southern accent) Ass.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  Once upon a stage, there was a little girl named Dorothy who lived with her aunt, her uncle, three farmhands, Benji the dog, and a piano and drum player.  All of them lived together in the shortest, thinnest house ever designed by a tech director.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  Now Dorothy was the sweetest, kindest girl you’ve seen since Annie, but the grown ups were all either dumb as a bag of hammers or abusive rejects from anger management classes.  Dorothy’s life was tough but she didn’t mind.  Whenever times got hard, the piano and drum player would start playing ballads that she could sing to, and all was right with the world.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  One day, Billie Bird stopped by and tried to take Benji away, and Dorothy did what any black school teacher in her mid 30’s would do.  She ran off, met a drug dealer, took a couple tabs of orange sunshine and was whisked away to a magic land of color (Except for the people), midgets, Ashton Kutcher, and trees that looked like Sigmund and the Sea Monsters.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  The first person she met there was a prom queen named Glinda who introduced her to the midgets, chopped off a lesbian’s feet, gave Dorothy the lesbian’s FABULOUS shoes, and told her that the only way she could get home was to take more orange sunshine and visit a big green head with a bad microphone who lived far, far away behind a backdrop made entirely of jade penises.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  Dorothy also met another woman, who was the exact same color as the schlongscrapers, and she had orthopedic problems.  She wanted the shoes for herself, but Glinda wouldn’t allow it.  “Keep those shoes on you at all times,” she told Dorothy.  “This woman is a different color from us, and therefore doesn’t deserve to have comfortable feet.”  She then sent Dorothy along an invisible yellow brick road to find the big green head.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  But Dorothy was not alone in her quest, oh no!  If that was the case, things might have gone much easier.  Instead she met three obsessive-compulsives with severe body image issues who did nothing but whine, sing and dance.  Thankfully, the piano and drum player tagged along for the trip as well, so no one looked weird.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  Eventually, after doing some more drugs they wound up in Australia, where they were pampered and preened and sung to before the big green head told them (Once his microphone was turned on) that they had to brutally murder the woman with the bad feet, simply because she was different than everyone else, before he would help them.  </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  But the green woman (Who, after years of being ostracized had gotten a bit grumpy) had a plan.  She sent flying monkeys dressed in sweat suits with muffin tins on their heads to kidnap Dorothy and gave her one last chance.  “Let me walk comfortable JUST ONCE!” she said, “or I’ll make you listen to the soundtrack to State Fair.”  Dorothy was afraid.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  But her obsessive-compulsive friends dressed up like Shriner’s and saved her, brutally and painfully melting the green skinned woman who just might have been kind and gentle if she’d only had a pair of Reebok’s.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  Now the big green head, who turned out to have a small white head, helped Dorothy’s three friend’s get over their issues, but was unable to help Dorothy herself because he was a man, and quite jealous of women’s ability to conceive.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M:  Dorothy was sad, until the prom queen showed back up again and said that she had to power to get home all along, and she didn’t tell Dorothy this before because she was a complete bitch.  Dorothy had to learn a lesson first, and that lesson was to never EVER leave home or try to do anything exciting in your life otherwise you will get hooked on hallucinogenics, violated by dwarves, and have fallen arches.  Once Dorothy realized that her place was barefoot and pregnant, she was able to return home, safe in a black and white world of mediocrity and banality.  </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I:  Meanwhile, two jaded and mildly amusing the-ater critics saw a pretty damn good production of this odd little tale, and whenever anyone would break into song, all the children in the audience would sing along and, for just a few moments, they were able to forget their issues with the story, their bad jokes, and remember what it was like to be a child again.  And all was right with the world.</DIV>
<DIV><BR>M and I: (Together) The end.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>SHAMELESS PLUG:  Go to groups.yahoo.com/groups/limeyhick to find out what Mike and Ike thought of White Chicks, Spider-Man 2, Fahrenheit 9/11, and seeing Jimmy Buffet live.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV><p>
		<hr size=1>Do you Yahoo!?<br>
<a href="http://us.rd.yahoo.com/mail_us/taglines/10/evt=26231/*http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail/static/efficiency.html">New and Improved Yahoo! Mail</a> - Send 10MB messages!
--0-922845550-1090696842=:92061--