[NEohioPAL]A Mike & Ike Satirical Review of Near West Theatre's "Chess"

Mon May 15 16:52:19 PDT 2006

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=20
WARNING:  IF  YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, I=E2=80=99M THE FIRST IN LINE=20
WARNING 2:  JUDGEMENT DAY=E2=80=94MIRA AND IRA ARE BABES=20
WARNING 3-D:  AS USUAL, THE FOLLOWING REVIEW HAS  SOME NAUGHTY WORDS AND IS=20
NOT MEANT FOR CHILDREN, NUNS, THE ELDERLY OR ANYONE  WITH MORALS.  READ IT=20
ANYWAY AND SEND HATE MAIL TO _MIKETHELIMEYANDIKETHEHICK at YAHOO.COM_=20
(mailto:MIKETHELIMEYANDIKETHEHICK at YAHOO.COM)    THEY KINDA ENJOY IT NOW=20
Mike: (English accent) Greetings and salutations.  He=E2=80=99s not Mike.=20
Ike: (Southern accent) He ain=E2=80=99t Ike.  Ah, the 80=E2=80=99s.  Quite a=
 decade, as most=20
of you will  remember from the three VH1 series about it.  =20
M:  Yes, gone were the wide  lapels, free love, and disco of the 70=E2=80=
=99s.=20
I:  Ta be replaced by neon  spandex, self love, and the band Mr. Mister.=20
M:  The great cinematic  revolution of the 70=E2=80=99s, which produced such=
 classics=20
as Apocalypse Now, Klute,  and Bonnie & Clyde died a merciless, painful deat=
h=E2=80=94
much like our brain  cells=E2=80=94as we flocked in droves to see Porky=E2=
=80=99s and Friday=20
the  13th.=20
I:  Watch it, limey.  Porky=E2=80=99s a classic!  First time ever we got to=20=
see a=20
nerd  measure his boner on the big screen!=20
M:  My point is made.  On the theatrical front, Broadway had a  tremendous=20
revival, thanks entirely to Andrew Lloyd Weber and the  French.=20
I:  Damn them both.  Anyway, we pretty much gave up for ten  years, and as=20
you put it, flocked in droves to see epileptic gymnasts in cat  costumes,=20
chandeliers falling, and Frogs whining and dying.=20
M:  During this time, Tim  Rice, the only man to give Lloyd Weber interestin=
g=20
lyrics to write uninteresting  music to, decided he wanted to do a musical=20
using the game of chess at its  center, both as a plot device and as a metap=
hor=20
for the Cold War.=20
I:  Ya might want ta Google  that.  It wasn=E2=80=99t covered on  VH1.=20
M:  This was indeed a high  concept in an era of flash over thought, and the=
=20
esteemed Mr. Rice sought out  the best composers to help him bring this=20
intellectual story to the  stage.=20
I:  The guys from  Abba.=20
M:  Over the years, the show  has been rewritten more times than the WMD=20
intelligence and yet another version  premiered at Near West Theatre two wee=
ks ago.

I:  Now I gotta say, we=E2=80=99ve  seen several shows there and Near West h=
as become=20
pretty much our favorite  the-ater in the area.  Okay, the  seats make your=20
ass feel like ya been shown the meaning of prison love for the  last ten yea=
rs=20
and the sound system=E2=80=94oh, what=E2=80=99s the word=E2=80=94bites a big=
 manatee  schlong, but=20
they got a lighting system that would put a Vegas strip joint ta  shame, all=
 the=20
shows we seen there have an energy that some the-aters should  sell their=20
Board of Directors for, and at least once I show I sit there thinkin=E2=80=
=99  =E2=80=9CWTF did=20
I just see?=E2=80=9D but in a good way.=20
M:  Chess the musical shows  you what the 80=E2=80=99s were about much bette=
r than=20
the continually referenced VH1  series, as it is about stupid, selfish peopl=
e=20
who make stupid, selfish decisions  that basically ruin their lives.=20
I:  That=E2=80=99s just the  80=E2=80=99s?=20
M:  Over the three hours,  which amazingly does not feel like three hours=
=E2=80=94=20
I:  Feels like  five.=20
M:  Ike.=20
I:  Hey, Return of the King  felt like a week and I liked that.=20
Pause.=20
M:  True.  Anyway, over the course of the show, all  of the major characters=
=20
talk about how miserable they are.=20
I:  And sing about how  miserable they are to Donna Summer songs.  Come ta=20
think about it, this  show is a lot like Les Miz, =E2=80=98cept no one dies.=
=20
M:  No, they are not given an  easy out.  At the end of the play,  they are=20
still miserable, and they are forced to deal with it, which makes the  show=20=
far=20
more downbeat, depressing, and interesting.=20
I:  I absolutely loved the  set.  Whole thing is nothing but  chess pieces,=20
and people move =E2=80=98em around as the scenes change.  Woulda been a lot=20=
cooler=20
lookin=E2=80=99 if it  was a little more choreographed.  For that matter, if=
 ya saw the=20
cast doing it themselves.  There=E2=80=99s a whole metaphor bein=E2=80=99 mi=
ssed  here.=20
M:  How very astute of  you.  Jack Van Impe is right.  It=E2=80=99s the end=20=
times. =20
Besides, we saw it opening night.  I=E2=80=99m sure it=E2=80=99s gotten bett=
er.=20
I:  Ya think that one actor  picked an accent yet?=20
Pause.=20
M:  So you=E2=80=99re bringing it  up.=20
I:  Sorry,  got to.  This was just  distracting.  Now I=E2=80=99m not gonna=20=
say  who,=20
cause in spite of what our hate mail says we are not mean=E2=80=94we save th=
at for =20
Christine Howey, but there was one guy who, in one sentence alone, went from=
 =20
what I think was a Russian accent to German, Scottish, American, and finally=
 =20
ending on Yiddish.  =20
M:  Florence was  phenomenal.=20
I:  Hot, too.=20
M:  And her rendition of  Nobody=E2=80=99s on Nobody=E2=80=99s Side is, in m=
y opinion,=20
better than Elaine  Paige.=20
I:  Who?=20
Pause.=20
M:  Heathen.=20
I:  Oh  yeah!  And the main reason ya should  see this thing:  it=E2=80=99s=20=
only six =20
bucks!  Ya read me, six bucks!  You=E2=80=99re gonna get three hours, with a=
mple =20
time for refueling and waste removal, of pretty good songs=E2=80=94and for m=
e that=E2=80=99s =20
saying sumthin,=E2=80=99 lotsa angst, great background dancing,=E2=80=99 and=
 more glow tape=20
than  you can possibly imagine, all for less than some places charge for par=
king.=20
 In spite of the bad sound and the pain  in the butt, you=E2=80=99re gettin=
=E2=80=99 a=20
helluva lot for your money.  =20
M:  I could say it a lot  better, but what=E2=80=99s the point?=20
Pause.=20
I:  Seriously.  Who=E2=80=99s Elaine Paige?=20
M:  Shut up.=20
RANDOM TANGENT=20
M:  So as I=E2=80=99m sure most of  you are aware, Andrew Lloyd Weber is mou=
nting a=20
gargantuan budget revival of The  Sound of Music in  England; mainly  becaus=
e=20
no one wants to see it here.=20
I:  Yet.=20
M:  And how is the Queen=E2=80=99s  favorite troll doll going about casting=20=
Maria? =20
Not the usual round of auditions, but a  reality show.  Yes, with the voting=
 =20
style of American Idol and the unending bitchiness of  America=E2=80=99s Nex=
t  Top=20
Model, YOU the viewer, if you live in  England, will  get to decide who has=20
confidence in sunshine, who has confidence in rain.  I think this is Lloyd W=
eber=E2=80=99s=20
best idea  since he wondered what the crucifixion would be like set to rock=20
music.  This is a wonderful way to use a  normally vomit inducing form of=20
entertainment to get people interested in  theatre.  It=E2=80=99s a sure fir=
e way to  get=20
people into the seats.=20
I:  And he=E2=80=99s gonna need  that.  The man=E2=80=99s pumpin=E2=80=99 30=
 mill of  his own money=20
inta this thing.  I  heard he even bought an Alp.=20
NOTE:  Check out Mike and Ike  at _www.myspace.com/mikethelimeyandikethehick=
_=20
(http://www.myspace.com/mikethelimeyandikethehick)     "Classic" and new=20
stuff added semi-regularly.  Also, good luck to JT Buck and the cast  and cr=
ew of=20
The Ballad of Tammy Fay down at the Cincinnati Fringe Festival.  Ike heard t=
he=20
score and says it=E2=80=99s much  better than High School Musical. =20

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<DIV>
<B=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">WARNING:  </=
SPAN>IF=20
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, I=E2=80=99M THE FIRST IN LINE<o:p></o:p>=

<B=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><o:p> </o:p>
<B=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">WARNING 2: =20
JUDGEMENT DAY=E2=80=94MIRA AND IRA ARE BABES
<B=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman"> 
<B=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">WARNING 3-D:  AS USUAL, THE FOLLOWING REVIEW H=
AS=20
SOME NAUGHTY WORDS AND IS NOT MEANT FOR CHILDREN, NUNS, THE ELDERLY OR ANYON=
E=20
WITH MORALS.  READ IT ANYWAY AND SEND HATE MAIL TO <A=20
href=3D"mailto:MIKETHELIMEYANDIKETHEHICK at YAHOO.COM">MIKETHELIMEYANDIKETHEHIC=
K at YAHOO.COM</A> =20
THEY KINDA ENJOY IT NOW
<B=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><o:p> </o:p>
Mike: (English accent) Greetings and salutations.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  He=E2=80=99s not Mike.
<o:p> </o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">Ike: (Southern accent) He ain=E2=80=99t Ike.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Ah, the 80=E2=80=99s.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Quite a decade, as most of you wil=
l=20
remember from the three VH1 series about it.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  Yes, gone were th=
e wide=20
lapels, free love, and disco of the 70=E2=80=99s.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Ta be replaced by=
 neon=20
spandex, self love, and the band Mr. Mister.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  The great cinemat=
ic=20
revolution of the 70=E2=80=99s, which produced such classics as Apocalypse N=
ow, Klute,=20
and Bonnie & Clyde died a merciless, painful death=E2=80=94much like our=
 brain=20
cells=E2=80=94as we flocked in droves to see Porky=E2=80=99s and Friday the=20
13th.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Watch it, limey.<=
SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Porky=E2=80=99s a classic!<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  First time ever we got to see a ne=
rd=20
measure his boner on the big screen!
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  My point is made.=
<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  On the theatrical front, Broadway=20=
had a=20
tremendous revival, thanks entirely to Andrew Lloyd Weber and the=20
French.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Damn them both.<S=
PAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Anyway, we pretty much gave up for=
 ten=20
years, and as you put it, flocked in droves to see epileptic gymnasts in cat=
=20
costumes, chandeliers falling, and Frogs whining and dying.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  During this time,=
 Tim=20
Rice, the only man to give Lloyd Weber interesting lyrics to write uninteres=
ting=20
music to, decided he wanted to do a musical using the game of chess at its=20
center, both as a plot device and as a metaphor for the Cold War.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Ya might want ta=20=
Google=20
that.  It wasn=E2=80=99t cover=
ed on=20
VH1.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  This was indeed a=
 high=20
concept in an era of flash over thought, and the esteemed Mr. Rice sought ou=
t=20
the best composers to help him bring this intellectual story to the=20
stage.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  The guys from=20
Abba.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  Over the years, t=
he show=20
has been rewritten more times than the WMD intelligence and yet another vers=
ion=20
premiered at Near West Theatre two weeks ago.<BR=20
style=3D"mso-special-character: line-break"><BR=20
style=3D"mso-special-character: line-break">
I:  Now I gotta say,=20=
we=E2=80=99ve=20
seen several shows there and Near West has become pretty much our favorite=20
the-ater in the area.  Okay, t=
he=20
seats make your ass feel like ya been shown the meaning of prison love for t=
he=20
last ten years and the sound system=E2=80=94oh, what=E2=80=99s the word=E2=
=80=94bites a big manatee=20
schlong, but they got a lighting system that would put a Vegas strip joint t=
a=20
shame, all the shows we seen there have an energy that some the-aters should=
=20
sell their Board of Directors for, and at least once I show I sit there thin=
kin=E2=80=99=20
=E2=80=9CWTF did I just see?=E2=80=9D but in a good way.
 
M:  Chess the musical=
 shows=20
you what the 80=E2=80=99s were about much better than the continually refere=
nced VH1=20
series, as it is about stupid, selfish people who make stupid, selfish decis=
ions=20
that basically ruin their lives.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  That=E2=80=99s ju=
st the=20
80=E2=80=99s?
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  Over the three ho=
urs,=20
which amazingly does not feel like three hours=E2=80=94
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Feels like=20
five.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  Ike.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Hey, Return of th=
e King=20
felt like a week and I liked that.
<o:p> </o:p>
Pause.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  True.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Anyway, over the course of the sho=
w, all=20
of the major characters talk about how miserable they are.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  And sing about ho=
w=20
miserable they are to Donna Summer songs.  Come ta think about it, this=
=20
show is a lot like Les Miz, =E2=80=98cept no one dies.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  No, they are not=20=
given an=20
easy out.  At the end of the p=
lay,=20
they are still miserable, and they are forced to deal with it, which makes t=
he=20
show far more downbeat, depressing, and interesting.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  I absolutely love=
d the=20
set.  Whole thing is nothing b=
ut=20
chess pieces, and people move =E2=80=98em around as the scenes change.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Woulda been a lot cooler lookin=
=E2=80=99 if it=20
was a little more choreographed. =20
For that matter, if ya saw the cast doing it themselves. <SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes"> There=E2=80=99s a whole metaphor be=
in=E2=80=99 missed=20
here.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  How very astute o=
f=20
you.  Jack Van Impe is right.<=
SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  It=E2=80=99s the end times.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Besides, we saw it opening night.<=
SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  I=E2=80=99m sure it=E2=80=99s gott=
en better.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Ya think that one=
 actor=20
picked an accent yet?
<o:p> </o:p>
Pause.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  So you=E2=80=99re=
 bringing it=20
up.
<o:p> </o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">I:  S=
orry,=20
got to.  This was just=20
distracting.  Now I=E2=80=99m=20=
not gonna say=20
who, cause in spite of what our hate mail says we are not mean=E2=80=94we sa=
ve that for=20
Christine Howey, but there was one guy who, in one sentence alone, went from=
=20
what I think was a Russian accent to German, Scottish, American, and finally=
=20
ending on Yiddish. =20

<o:p> </o:p>
M: =20
<st1:City><st1:place>Florence</st1:place></st1:City> was=20
phenomenal.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Hot, too.<=
/P>
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  And her rendition=
 of=20
Nobody=E2=80=99s on Nobody=E2=80=99s Side is, in my opinion, better than Ela=
ine=20
Paige.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Who?
<o:p> </o:p>
Pause.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  Heathen.</=
P>
<o:p> </o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">I:  O=
h=20
yeah!  And the main reason ya=20=
should=20
see this thing:  it=E2=80=99s=20=
only six=20
bucks!  Ya read me, six bucks!=
<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  You=E2=80=99re gonna get three hou=
rs, with ample=20
time for refueling and waste removal, of pretty good songs=E2=80=94and for m=
e that=E2=80=99s=20
saying sumthin,=E2=80=99 lotsa angst, great background dancing,=E2=80=99 and=
 more glow tape than=20
you can possibly imagine, all for less than some places charge for parking.<=
SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  In spite of the bad sound and the=20=
pain=20
in the butt, you=E2=80=99re gettin=E2=80=99 a helluva lot for your money.<SP=
AN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  I could say it a=20=
lot=20
better, but what=E2=80=99s the point?
<o:p> </o:p>
Pause.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Seriously.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Who=E2=80=99s Elaine Paige?=

<o:p> </o:p>
M:  Shut up.</=
P>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<B=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">RANDOM TANGENT<o:p></o:p>
<B=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><o:p><SPAN=20
style=3D"TEXT-DECORATION: none"> </o:p>
M:  So as I=E2=80=99m=
 sure most of=20
you are aware, Andrew Lloyd Weber is mounting a gargantuan budget revival of=
 The=20
Sound of Music in=20
<st1:country-region><st1:place>England</st1:place></st1:country-region>; mai=
nly=20
because no one wants to see it here.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  Yet.
<o:p> </o:p>
M:  And how is the Qu=
een=E2=80=99s=20
favorite troll doll going about casting Maria?<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Not the usual round of auditions,=20=
but a=20
reality show.  Yes, with the v=
oting=20
style of American Idol and the unending bitchiness of=20
<st1:country-region><st1:place>America</st1:place></st1:country-region>=E2=
=80=99s Next=20
Top Model, YOU the viewer, if you live in=20
<st1:country-region><st1:place>England</st1:place></st1:country-region>, wil=
l=20
get to decide who has confidence in sunshine, who has confidence in rain.<SP=
AN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  I think this is Lloyd Weber=E2=80=
=99s best idea=20
since he wondered what the crucifixion would be like set to rock music.<SPAN=
=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  This is a wonderful way to use a=20
normally vomit inducing form of entertainment to get people interested in=20
theatre.  It=E2=80=99s a sure=20=
fire way to=20
get people into the seats.
<o:p> </o:p>
I:  And he=E2=80=99s=20=
gonna need=20
that.  The man=E2=80=99s pumpi=
n=E2=80=99 30 mill of=20
his own money inta this thing.  </SPA=
N>I=20
heard he even bought an Alp.
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
NOTE:  Check out Mike=
 and Ike=20
at <A href=3D"http://www.myspace.com/mikethelimeyandikethehick"><FONT=
=20
face=3D"Times New Roman"=20
size=3D3>www.myspace.com/mikethelimeyandikethehick</A>=
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">  &nbsp=
;=20
"Classic" and new stuff added semi-regularly.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Also, good luck to JT Buck and the=
 cast=20
and crew of The Ballad of Tammy Fay down at the Cincinnati Fringe Festival.<=
SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">  Ike heard the score and says it=
=E2=80=99s much=20
better than High School Musical. 
<o:p> </o:p></DIV></BODY></HTML>

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