[NEohioPAL] To those seeing Evil Dead-The Musical this week-end

[Jeff Holland]

WARNING:  REPRINTS AND DRUG JOKES AND SONGS OH MY!
 
Mike: (English accent) Greetings and salutations.  He's not Mike.
 
Ike: (Southern accent) He ain't Ike.  Folks, we got some extremities that could cut glass right about now, cause in three days we're at Beck, laughing, trying not to sing to loudly, and hopefully getting drenched in fake blood.
 
M:  In honor of the regional premiere of
 
M&I: (Together) THE GREATIST PIECE OF ENTERTAINMENT IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY PERIOD
 
M:  We offer a reprint of a song we wrote awhile ago.  We can't remember if we posted this on here before or not.
 
I:  We're really high right now.
 
M:  But when you shamelessly rip off something that's this good this well, sometimes you just need to repeat it.
 
I:  Hit it, Tommy Dorsey and his Orchestra
 
MUSIC:  All the Men in My Life Keep Getting Killed By Candarian Demons
 
M:
FIRST THERE WAS CATS
A REALLY BAD SHOW
BUT THE BUZZ WAS GOOD
SO I HAD TO GO
ALL THOSE DUMB SONGS
THEY CAUSED ME PAIN
BUT BEFORE I COULD KILL MYSELF
I WAS SAVED BY A CANDARIAN DEMON
 
I:
CANDARIANDEMONCANDARIANDEMONCANDARIANDEMON
 
M:  
THEN THERE WAS PHANTOM
 
I:
PHANTOM
 
M:
THAT MADE MY SKIN CRAWL
 
I:
WAH-OOO
 
M:
I NEVER SAW
THE WHOLE POINT OF IT ALL
 
I:
LLOYD WEBBER SUCKS
 
M:
HE ALSO ENJOYS
 
I:
WAH-OOO
 
M:
SWALLOWING SOULS
 
I:
GOOD FAMILY FUN
 
M:
BUT HE CAN'T DO HIS DIRTY WORK NOW
CAUSE HE WAS KILLED BY A CANDARIAN DEMON
 
I:
CANDARIANDEMONCANDARIANDEMONCANDARIANDEMON
 
M:
YES, LES MIZ IS CRUEL
AND TOO DEMANDING
AND CHESS MAKES ME WANT TO THROW UP
ALL THE SHOWS THAT I HATE
HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY CANDARIAN DEMONS
 
Why?
 
I:  I don't care.  Limey, baby, I know these shows seem bad now.  They always do, but I think you're exaggerating a touch, sugar bean.  I mean, sure, modern musicals can't hold a candle to Evil Dead, but that's only two decades.  I mean, there's no way that ALL the shows that you hate have been  by Candarian Demons.
 
M:  Oh no?
MY FAIR LADY
 
I:
TOO LONG
 
M:
CAMELOT
 
I:
OH NO!
 
M:
NOT ENOUGH FOUL LANGUAGE
TOO MUCH PLOT
 
I:  
CABARET
 
M:  
A PERFECT SHOW
 
I:
EVIL DEAD
 
M:
HAD NEVER BEEN SEEN
 
I:
IT'S PRETTY NEW
 
M:
AND I NEVER BELIEVED THAT IT WOULD
UNTIL I SAW
 
I:
YAY!
 
M:
A CANDARIAN DEMON
 
I:
CANDARIANDEMONCANDARIANDEMONCANDARIANDEMON
 
M:
ALL THE SONGS ARE FUNNY
AND THE BOOK IS TOO
THE GORE IS HEAVY
AS IT'S SPRAYING ON YOU
 
M&I: (Together)
HEY!
 
M:
EVERY SHOW I'VE SEEN I WISHED
WOULD END IN BLOOD SHED
AND NOW IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED
THANK YOU GOD FOR EVIL DEAD
 
I:
COOL AS F—
 
M:
YES, LES MIZ IS CRUEL
AND TOO DEMANDING
AND GREASE MAKES ME WANT TO THROW UP
ALL THE SHOWS THAT I HATE
HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY CANDARIAN DEMONS
 
I:  Namaste.
 
 


      
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