[NEohioPAL]A Mike and Ike Satirical Review of Brecksville Little Theatre's "Cliffhanger"
Jeff Holland
profbobo at neo.rr.com
Thu Nov 21 13:11:50 PST 2002
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WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REVIEW HAS BEEN RATED PG-13 BY THE MANAGER OF =
THE WENDY'S UP THE STREET FROM ME. HE ONLY READS THEATRE CRITICISM IN =
ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY ANYWAY--Jeff Holland
MIKE: Do you have any idea how much I detest being late?
IKE: Why, yes I do, considerin' you've asked me that five freakin' =
times!!
M: How much do I detest being late?
I: Oh, for the love of--
M: How much?
I:(Deep breath) A lot.
M: Exactly. Now I don't mind being late for movies.
I: I know.
M: All you're interrupting is trailers for movies you're going to hate =
anyway.
M and I:(Together) But there are no trailers for plays!
I: Again, I am sorry.
M: All we get is the program, and I'm sorry, but it's just not the same =
as the roller coaster going by the popcorn.
I: I have brought shame to you and to my family name for generations to =
come. I understand that. Can we move on now?
M: And why were we late?
I: I said I was sorry.
M: I've forgotten.
I: No, ya haven't.
M: Really, I have.
I: I'd never seen this episode of Murder She Wrote. It was a good one.
M: Yes, Angela Lansbury, I hold you personally responsible for our =
tardiness and I will encourage the cast of Cliffhanger to write you =
angry letters about this as soon as I feel like it.
I: Ya know, this is gonna be kinda tough. The show's still goin' on =
right?
M: I believe it closes this week-end.
I: It's a mystery. How we supposed ta discuss this thing without =
giving too much away?
M: Well, what can we tell about the plot?
I: This annoying chick dies. I'd tell ya how she dies but it's part of =
the plot.
M: We'd tell you who the suspects are, but that's also part of the =
plot.
I: There's a cop who shows up and he suspects things.
M: And in the end someone gets arrested. Yes, that about covers it.
I: I felt kinda bad for the guy with the green hair.
M: Because of the green hair?
I: Well, that and the fact that he looks like he's 12 next to everyone =
else in the cast.
M: Well, everybody else is a professor, or a seasoned cop or an =
annoying dead woman.
I: There was a lot of talking in this show. Whole lotta talkin.'
M: These people had a lot of inner termoil they needed to release.
I: They didn't need to release it my way, just get to the hack n' =
slash!
M: This wasn't about murder itself. It's about the motivations behind =
murder, how far one will go.
I: Not far enough. Only one person died. Need at least three =
gratuitous deaths before it officially becomes fun.
M: You frighten me.
I: I try to. I have to admit. I kinda liked this show, specially =
since I was expecting to see something about a mountain.
M: Oh, for the love of--
I: The show's well acted, pretty damn funny and granted, the title does =
give a little of the plot away, but it's still fun.
M: My God, you almost sound like a legitimate critic.
I: Aw, hell. Can't have that happen.
(Pause)
I: Ya know, the kid with the green hair has worked with Holland.
M: Really?
I: Yeah. He did a Rolling Doughnuts show.
M: Poor boy. Thought he might actually have a career. Oh, well.
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<DIV><FONT size=3D2>WARNING: THE FOLLOWING REVIEW HAS BEEN =
RATED PG-13=20
BY THE MANAGER OF THE WENDY'S UP THE STREET FROM ME. =20
HE ONLY READS THEATRE CRITICISM IN ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY =
ANYWAY--Jeff=20
Holland</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>MIKE: Do you have any idea how much I detest =
being=20
late?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>IKE: Why, yes I do, considerin' you've =
asked me=20
that five freakin' times!!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: How much do I detest being =
late?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: Oh, for the love of--</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: How much?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I:(Deep breath) A lot.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Exactly. Now I don't mind being late =
for=20
movies.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: I know.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: All you're interrupting is trailers for =
movies you're=20
going to hate anyway.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M and I:(Together) But there are no trailers =
for=20
plays!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: Again, I am sorry.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: All we get is the program, and I'm sorry, =
but it's=20
just not the same as the roller coaster going by the =
popcorn.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: I have brought shame to you and to my =
family name for=20
generations to come. I understand that. Can we move on=20
now?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: And why were we late?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: I said I was sorry.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: I've forgotten.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: No, ya haven't.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Really, I have.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: I'd never seen this episode of Murder She=20
Wrote. It was a good one.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Yes, Angela Lansbury, I hold you =
personally=20
responsible for our tardiness and I will encourage the cast of =
Cliffhanger to write you angry letters about this as soon as I feel like =
it.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: Ya know, this is gonna be kinda =
tough. The=20
show's still goin' on right?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: I believe it closes this =
week-end.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: It's a mystery. How we supposed ta =
discuss this=20
thing without giving too much away?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Well, what can we tell about the =
plot?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: This annoying chick dies. I'd tell ya =
how=20
she dies but it's part of the plot.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: We'd tell you who the suspects are, but =
that's also=20
part of the plot.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: There's a cop who shows up and he suspects=20
things.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: And in the end someone gets arrested. =
Yes, that=20
about covers it.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: I felt kinda bad for the guy with the =
green=20
hair.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Because of the green hair?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT><FONT size=3D2>I: Well, that and the =
fact that he=20
looks like he's 12 next to everyone else in the cast.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Well, everybody else is a =
professor, or a=20
seasoned cop or an annoying dead woman.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: There was a lot of talking in this =
show. Whole=20
lotta talkin.'</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: These people had a lot of inner termoil =
they needed=20
to release.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: They didn't need to release it my =
way, just get=20
to the hack n' slash!</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: This wasn't about murder itself. It's =
about the=20
motivations behind murder, how far one will go.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: Not far enough. Only one person =
died. =20
Need at least three gratuitous deaths before it officially becomes=20
fun.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: You frighten me.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: I try to. I have to admit. I =
kinda liked=20
this show, specially since I was expecting to see something about a=20
mountain.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Oh, for the love of--</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: The show's well acted, pretty damn funny =
and granted,=20
the title does give a little of the plot away, but it's still=20
fun.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: My God, you almost sound like a legitimate=20
critic.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: Aw, hell. Can't have that =
happen.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>(Pause)</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: Ya know, the kid with the green =
hair has worked=20
with Holland.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Really?</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>I: Yeah. He did a Rolling Doughnuts=20
show.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2>M: Poor boy. Thought he might actually =
have a=20
career. Oh, well.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT size=3D2></FONT> </DIV></BODY></HTML>
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