[NEohioPAL]DELETE NOW: A Mike and Ike Satirical Awards Show
Mike and Ike
limeyhick at yahoo.com
Fri Jan 9 08:03:27 PST 2004
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WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PRESENTATION CONTAINS NO MICHAEL MOORE
ANNOUNCER: Live from the Terminal Room of the Kevorkian Cultural Center, it's the first annual BERKEY awards! With your hosts Mike and Ike! Special appearances by Kevin Joseph Kelly, Alex J. Nine, Queen Latifah, Trent Lott, Stomp, Dame Edna, JT Buck, Tori Spelling, and Jack L. Herman as Charles Dickens in a tribute to Fred Sternfeld. Musical performances by Hole, the New Main Street Singers, and Todd Kotler. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your hosts, Mike and Ike!
MIKE AND IKE ENTER TO THUNDEROUS CANNED APPLAUSE
Mike:(English accent) Greetings and salutations, fellow theatre tolerators. He's not Mike.
Ike:(Southern accent) He ain't Ike. Welcome to the first annual BERKEY awards, honoring both the good and the crappy in area stage work in 2003. Now we're just gonna take the bad musical number and even worse opening monologue as read and just get right to the awards.
M: But first--
I: Oh, for the love of you.
M: We would like to take a moment to describe the process we used to come up with the awards.
I: We're makin' it up as we go.
M: That being said, let's get started. Our first BERKEY goes to the four theatres that did productions of The Laramia Project within hours of each other. Now, I am not sure which theatre decided to do it first, so you're all to blame. True, it is a strong, powerful show (That works better as a movie, but that's just me) but FOUR PRODUCTIONS?!? Two is annoying but acceptable. Three is pushing it. Four is just overkill. Please, people, if you see THREE OTHER THEATRES doing the same show, pick a new one. I don't care how good it is, that was just wrong.
I: Next we honor Near West Theatre. They get a BERKEY for doing two of the wonkiest musicals I've ever almost liked. One was a production of Jesus Christ Superstar that could have been retitled "Judea 90210." The other was an original work called Hercules vs. Godzilla, which had the cast of Barney deconstructin' Greek myths to pop tunes. They were bizarre, had great bands, and Near West deserves mucho praise for givin' kids something better to do than Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
M: Our next BERKEY goes to Kent Stage Players (Formerly Tree City Players) just because they're still here.
I: We also give a berkey to Aurora Community The-ater, for bein' the first group to realize that our irreverant, nothin' is sacred style of humor does not belong anywhere in the arts and banning our sorry asses. They don't get a BERKEY cause they didn't even tell us themselves. Along the same lines, Actor's Summit gets a BIG BRASS BALLS BERKEY for usin' the NeOHIOpal list to tell Christine Howey to piss off. THAT'S the way to get rid of a critic.
M: Actor's Summit also receives a second BERKEY for consistantly presenting interesting, challanging, well received, well reviewed shows that we have no desire to see.
I: Although this season they are doing some stuff we wanna see, so hopefully we'll get that public banning to match our private one.
M: JT Buck gets a BERKEY for directing one of the whitest musicals in history (State Fair) in the whitest city in North America (Aurora) and actually making it interesting to everyone except the producer.
I: The Lion King and Starlight Express share a BERKEY for the most annoying show in 2003. Sure they look cool, but I'd like to see somethin' with a good script. I know I'm weird that way, but still . . .
M: And the most important BERKEY of all: Best show.
I: No contest.
M: No debate.
I: No other choice.
M&I: Bat Boy--The Musical
I: Show was so good it almost made me wish I liked this shit. Cain't Park, you have much to be proud of.
M: And finally, we present a super special choco-fudgey BERKEY to Fred Sternfeld, because we haven't kissed his ass in awhile.
I: Thank you much for your time.
M: He's not Mike.
I: He ain't Ike.
M: And we're not talking anymore.
NOTE: If you haven't yet, send an email to limeyhick at yahoo.com to subscribe to the Mike and Ike mailing list. Coming soon: The best of everything else 2003
---------------------------------
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<DIV>
<DIV><STRONG>WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PRESENTATION CONTAINS NO MICHAEL MOORE</STRONG></DIV>
<DIV><STRONG></STRONG> </DIV>
<DIV>ANNOUNCER: Live from the Terminal Room of the Kevorkian Cultural Center, it's the first annual BERKEY awards! With your hosts Mike and Ike! Special appearances by Kevin Joseph Kelly, Alex J. Nine, Queen Latifah, Trent Lott, Stomp, Dame Edna, JT Buck, Tori Spelling, and Jack L. Herman as Charles Dickens in a tribute to Fred Sternfeld. Musical performances by Hole, the New Main Street Singers, and Todd Kotler. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your hosts, Mike and Ike!</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>MIKE AND IKE ENTER TO THUNDEROUS CANNED APPLAUSE</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Mike:(English accent) Greetings and salutations, fellow theatre tolerators. He's not Mike.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>Ike:(Southern accent) He ain't Ike. Welcome to the first annual BERKEY awards, honoring both the good and the crappy in area stage work in 2003. Now we're just gonna take the bad musical number and even worse opening monologue as read and just get right to the awards.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: But first--</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Oh, for the love of you.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: We would like to take a moment to describe the process we used to come up with the awards.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: We're makin' it up as we go.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: That being said, let's get started. Our first BERKEY goes to the four theatres that did productions of The Laramia Project within hours of each other. Now, I am not sure which theatre decided to do it first, so you're all to blame. True, it is a strong, powerful show (That works better as a movie, but that's just me) but FOUR PRODUCTIONS?!? Two is annoying but acceptable. Three is pushing it. Four is just overkill. Please, people, if you see THREE OTHER THEATRES doing the same show, pick a new one. I don't care how good it is, that was just wrong.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Next we honor Near West Theatre. They get a BERKEY for doing two of the wonkiest musicals I've ever almost liked. One was a production of Jesus Christ Superstar that could have been retitled "Judea 90210." The other was an original work called Hercules vs. Godzilla, which had the cast of Barney deconstructin' Greek myths to pop tunes. They were bizarre, had great bands, and Near West deserves mucho praise for givin' kids something better to do than Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Our next BERKEY goes to Kent Stage Players (Formerly Tree City Players) just because they're still here.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: We also give a berkey to Aurora Community The-ater, for bein' the first group to realize that our irreverant, nothin' is sacred style of humor does not belong anywhere in the arts and banning our sorry asses. They don't get a BERKEY cause they didn't even tell us themselves. Along the same lines, Actor's Summit gets a BIG BRASS BALLS BERKEY for usin' the NeOHIOpal list to tell Christine Howey to piss off. THAT'S the way to get rid of a critic.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: Actor's Summit also receives a second BERKEY for consistantly presenting interesting, challanging, well received, well reviewed shows that we have no desire to see.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Although this season they <EM>are</EM> doing some stuff we wanna see, so hopefully we'll get that public banning to match our private one.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: JT Buck gets a BERKEY for directing one of the whitest musicals in history (State Fair) in the whitest city in North America (Aurora) and actually making it interesting to everyone except the producer.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: The Lion King and Starlight Express share a BERKEY for the most annoying show in 2003. Sure they look cool, but I'd like to see somethin' with a good script. I know I'm weird that way, but still . . .</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: And the most important BERKEY of all: Best show.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: No contest.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: No debate.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: No other choice.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M&I: Bat Boy--The Musical</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Show was so good it almost made me wish I liked this shit. Cain't Park, you have much to be proud of.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: And finally, we present a super special choco-fudgey BERKEY to Fred Sternfeld, because we haven't kissed his ass in awhile.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: Thank you much for your time.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: He's not Mike.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>I: He ain't Ike.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>M: And we're not talking anymore.</DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV>
<DIV>NOTE: If you haven't yet, send an email to <A href="mailto:limeyhick at yahoo.com">limeyhick at yahoo.com</A> to subscribe to the Mike and Ike mailing list. Coming soon: The best of everything else 2003</DIV></DIV><p><hr SIZE=1>
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Yahoo! Hotjobs: <a href="http://pa.yahoo.com/*http://us.rd.yahoo.com/hotjobs/mail_footer_email/evt=21482/*http://hotjobs.sweepstakes.yahoo.com/signingbonus">Enter the "Signing Bonus" Sweepstakes</a>
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